I think you have just been through a lot lately. This sounds a lot like dysphoria. You are miserable and depressed, but irritated and angry.

I think I spent about 7 to 10 years in that place and I was not pretty either. The only thing I can say, is I am out of it. Sometimes, the hard part is there is just NO light at the end of the tunnel. I know there are others here who have been through this. So just to inspire you that there can be hope - but not an easy journey.

As for crazy, aren't we all? (((Hugs)))

Remember only a medical professional can diagnose you as "batshit crazy".

Or indeed "madder than a bag of cats"

But obviously you are aware - at least some of the time. Doesn't sound much fun for you.

Gotta work on the hope thing. I'm glad you made it through though.

Never heard "madder than a bag of cats" before...but I definitely can understand what you're saying.

Next time I see my pdoc, I'm going to see about that diagnosis.

I have gone through the same thing and I finally went (myself) to the doc and got treated for severe anxiety and mixed episode. I knew somehow that I had better get help because no one else around me seemed too concerned that anything was wrong. So I did second guess myself at first. But when I got to the doctor I burst out in tears and know I had made the right choice. What scared me was that for the very first time I had actually thought about suicide. I had NEVER thought about that before as an option. I would even talk about it to my husband. He took my pistol away and his it. I only have one for when my husband is out of town and scared to death of a break in! Anyway, later when I thought about it if he was that clued in to how I was feeling why did he not seek help for me? It hurts when people around you don't care. Take care of yourself and go see your doc.

Ah, yeah...We can add attempted suicide to the list of crazy stuff. Of course, I failed miserably.

Spoke to my pdoc yesterday. Not very reassuring. She asked if I needed to be in the hospital....I said "well, I don't feel like dying today, so no." So she asked "What can I do to help?" (WTF??) I said "I don't know, that's why I'm calling." So she gave me a few phone numbers (Crisis Hotline, Warm Line for the "almost" crisis and added 911 to the mix). Hmmm, wonder why I lack faith in pdocs.

I think if I call my ECT pdoc though, he'd have me forcefully admitted. idk...to call him or not? Really don't want or think I need to be admitted.

Hi Hanna~~

You clearly want help and relief from this misery you're suffering. Why don't you call your ECT pdoc and talk over your options with him/her? You said it yourself, "I'm stable enough to know I'm unstable." Rarely do we want or think we need to be admitted, but many times its the best thing to do. Take care.

Great big hug for you.. it sounds miserable..
Ive been really irritable when Im mixed.. fortunately it's been a long time..
Im with BabyS on this why don't you call re the ECT if it helps... I hope the darkness ends soon..xo

I completely understand! Whenever I get this way I go into the psychward to remain safe because after this stage is over I just get worse. Thats just me tho!

Gee!!!! I wonder why your Pdoc didn't twiddle around with meds!!?

If you were 'mine', I'd give you enough dope to knock your ass out for a day and see if you woke up any better off than you are right now!!!
And if you WEREN'T any better, I'd knock your ass out AGAIN!!!!

Even if you ARE batshit crazy, don't just leave it at that!! Too pejorative!!!!
Let's make it more to the point and say that you're currently, temporarily batshit crazy!!!!
Good job on handling it well!!! (((((Hugs)))))

i was just called batshit crazy a few weeks ago, fuckin hurt.. i think we have an illness. so what if it looks like batshit crazy to some, for us isolating and protecting ourselves is more smart a choice for us than anyone that doesnt experience it realizes.

further i would shake the tree of your doc and therapist and get help getting out of what you are experiencing.

you know you are in a batshit stage ( i have been thre!!) and now you know how to protect yourself. Hallehulehah!

I said the F word and others to a store clerk when she couldnt find a red sweater for mewhen I was batshit one time. I made a nice persons life just awful another time.

You are in the right!!!!

My pdoc doesn't mess around with meds anymore b/c we've been there and done that. There's nothing left to put me on.

About a year or 2 ago, I used to be into all sorts of TV shows. I stopped watching TV. Sooo, over the past few days I've been watching all of the episodes of shows I used to be into on hulu.com to catch up. I always watch Grey's Anatomy....but there was some special that connected it with the show Private Practice last week, and in it there was a woman who wound up dx'd w/ BP. Then I watched House, MD....of course the episodes I was watching happened to be about mental illness. Then I caught up with Glee....and actually watched the new episode. It was all about one of the characters attempting suicide.

Pretty big coincidence. Made me actually think about some things. Just another one of those things....batshit crazy b/c I'm finding messages and finding profound meaning in TV shows