Look forward to seeing you act differently, if you choose to ?

Relationships are all about balance.

The way you were beating the shit out of yourself earlier...I used to do that to excess in my relationships (still do sometimes, I know L2S).

This is how it has been for me:

The thing is, when something goes wrong and you try so hard to fix it, you make yourself look guilty with intention of the wrongdoing in the first place. It isn't that you had mal-intent or even did anything, it is that you want the peace and love to be there when it really isn't within your control.

It has taken me this long to learn that lesson. It hurt, and sometimes it still does; but I just have to say "this is not about me" and walk away.

Does that make sense to you chuggar?

makes total sense, grace. I have come to understand that my buttons are easily pushed and most often times I will react exactly how I shouldn't. This carries over to a lot of situations. I think this is part of what made me believe I'm better alone, because I know I will end up screwing up anything I have with other people. I hope to get help on this eventually, but for now I can't afford anything at all.

Can you afford a book on REBT?

It helps you check the rationality/irrationality of your thoughts before you respond.

It is based in the belief that we "distress ourselves," due to a lot of different things, but it makes a lot of sense and has helped me.

Yea Chugger I would say I do the same thing if I am understanding you right. Probably why I have decided to stay single and find the solitude in it instead of just the lonely. I don't seem to be able to get the back down part right enough no matter how hard I try.

I do this too, and for me it's about fear, insecurity, and the possibility of abandonment. I will come on real uptight and controlling out of fear, and vulnerability.
I do distress myself at times, but the origional pattern of fearful and defensive responses was laid down before I had a strong sense of self, and these patters are based on actual events. The trouble is, I no longer need those responses, but they have become habitual. So I'm trying not to give in to them. It's not easy. A situation that is not threatening will often seem and FEEL like it is.
But there's no blame in trying to break old patterns and habits. It takes alot of courage just to become aware of it, and work with it.

Well said chiriver!

omg chug and chirver your starting to make me think your reading my mind or something inside me anyway.

Sounds like you are doing a lot of soul searching, glad to hear it. I am not sure you steam roller them sounds more like you don't listen to verbal and non-verbal cues and you hear what you want and roll with what you think. Just food for thought.

that's highly possible, 2kid... now off to the bar.

#10

Sure ?

No backing down there then Friend.

Not so long ago, I was like that Chuggs. I couldn't let anyone go and would try to steamroller them back into my sphere of friends.
I learnt my lesson. Now I say my bit and leave it up to them. Not easy but now I know that people come back to me cos they want to and that's a nice feeling.

The bar isn't going to help,why not learn some new coping skills perhaps meditation or exercise. I think drinking would be the last thing on my mind if I want to get better.

Right now Brian, I am going to kill time at the bar. This is my night off and I have no one to be with, so I choose to fill up my time spending it with people who don't get me but don't care.