Guess who's getting worse? Meee. Sigh. Just got back from my tdoc appt and we redid the 'you draw, I interpret' activity. Seems what he interpreted shows that I've taken a few steps backwards. One drawing was 'pretty psychotic', the other revealed my self-esteem is worse than before, they all showed that I don't know where I belong or how to help myself and that I don't think life has much to offer me. Tdoc found that last bit pretty sad. I commented on that making it easier to commit suicide. He was not amused. I'm not surprised by the news that I'm not progressing- I already knew. He thinks my memory loss is due to my brain trying to do too much and not being able to hold on to what I think is important. His advice? Don't get too worked up about it cos that's not gonna do me much good. I'll stop getting worked up when I can recognize the people who come up to me and strike up a convo like we're old friends, I'll stop getting worked up when I don't have to wonder if I cheated on my bf or not, I'll stop getting worked up when I can remember the details of what happened yesterday. It's exhausting doing this, dealing with this. Dealing with me. I sometimes wish I could be someone else for a few hours- have a time out. Maybe if I pretend hard enough it'll happen and I can leave the crazy for a while.
I finally told him about you guys. He approves. Yaay.