Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
Hey everyone, I don't post very often but I feel like I can come here for advice.
Lately I have been experiencing increasing depression and anxiety. I'm not on medication and I'm not receiving treatment. I've been struggling to get transportation to attend the mandatory six counseling sessions before medication will be considered for me. (I moved counties and have to attend a different counseling center because of that and they won't put me on medications even though I was on them a couple years ago.)
So... my issue right now is that I am in college full time, and since I started feeling depressed about a month ago I've gotten very behind. My classes are all online except a hybrid biology class that requires me to attend three eight hour labs on campus. I've just realized I missed an assignment a week ago that I had to complete before the lab. If I go to the lab, I have to give two oral presentations and the thought of that makes me feel like I just can't breathe. I want to go but I am not prepared and I feel like I'll die if I do. Last lab also included two oral presentations which I did (while literally trembling), and that day turned out being the worst I'd felt in a very very long time. It also happened to be my birthday, which just made me feel worse. By the time I got home, I was so exhausted from feeling so anxious that I cried and ended up having an awful fight with my boyfriend.
My professor is really nice and is very willing to work with his students. What he requires if you miss a lab is an email sent either the day before the lab or immediately afterwards explaining your reason for being absent. I really don't know if "I felt like crying and had trouble breathing when I thought about it" would go over, and I don't want to embarrass myself. Does anyone have any idea of an excuse or way to explain to him why I *can't* go?
I've been almost completely regretting starting college without being on medication. In all, I'm probably a month behind in English and Biology, and a month and a half behind in Math. I've been feeling so sad that I stayed in bed and didn't work, and now that I feel less sad I'm feeling like I'm an idiot.
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Ever since I stopped doing therapy because of insurance, I've been feeling that old tense and irritable sense of anxiety and stress. I hate that. I was making so many strides and changes during therapy, my therapist would acknowledge all of my progress and accomplishments, and I miss that reassurance. Today I thought about it, and I made those changes! She would always tell me that I chose to...
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
I'm shocked that this is the way that they work there ..Usually any therapeutic process happens after someone is stable on medication
I don't see you succeeding in school until you are healthy
Don't beat yourself up for having an illness ...this isn't a character flaw sweetie it's a disorder ...
There is good treatment though and you will be stable again
Losing some time in school that you can make up later isn't a terrible thing ...you can get through this....big hug...xo
Once I realize my fear, I have the tools to begin to fix them.
College is tough. I would tell your professors what you are going through. They may have some suggestions in regards to help.
I have never had a doctor tell me that I had to go to counseling in order to get put on medicine. Some require it afterwards but never before.
Can't your bf help you with transportation? If not, I would suggest you find another who is more concerned about your well being. Otherwise, he is just a friend/room mate. Even a good friend would try and help you.
Be strong. What's the worst that can happen? You don't pass a class and have to retake it. No big deal.
Sending love and prayers your way.
I too am a bit surprised that your Dr wasn't ok with putting you on an antidepressant. Mandatory counselling can be hard, and maybe if you explain that with school and travel issues that getting to the appointments is turning out to be more difficult than expected. Ask of there's a way to still get this support without it being detrimental to wellbeing.
Much luck.
Rei