Fella, try not to look for answers or reasons to your situations, try to take control and make decisions. small ones, tiny ones even. It means your taking back control of your life. This other stuff doesnt own you, its trying to eat into you and make you think you have no options othaer than what its giving you. Stand up to this shit and just say NO! No more!

Recovery or coping starts with tiny changes, insignificant at times, but very very powerful changes. Please dont think i assume these things are easy to do, they arent, but they change one thing inside you, that your standing up to it and that alone is a massive achievement.

You got the tools fella, you can beat this shit, whether we walk a million miles or sprint a million miles, we always get to where were going. But you are always in control.

always.

Stay strong buddy,

I have Bipolar Disorder and several other serious mental illnesses and I am also a 12 years sober alcoholic in AA. Booze doesn't help with mental illnesses, it makes everything infinitely worse, believe me, I was a drinker for 18 years and things only got worse.

It also prevents you and any doctors you see from getting proper diagnoses of your mental illnesses and then giving them any chance of prescribing you the correct medication.

Are you seeing a psychiatrist and being prescribed medication and are you seeing a therapist? It's also for you to decide whether you're an alcoholic, but if you are, AA would be so wonderful for you, as part of you set of tools to get yourself as well as is possible. Rather than being being a dreary old depressing place, it is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I love it. If you feel you need to, you may also consider detox and rehab, telling them about your mental illnesses too.

What you are doing now is destructive, rather than constructive. You have massive alternatives on offer for you, it's your choice.

For years, I always thought I could smoke weed and everything would go away. I would be able to sleep and dream good dreams because I was so fucking high. Then I realised it wasn't helping at all. Number 1 because it never really affected me anyway, and number 2 why place your disorder on the hands of a substance, be it alcohol or drugs?

I usually never have reasons for why I feel the way I feel. I just do. I think one important step is ACCEPTANCE. Once you've gotten past that stage, you'll realise that everything else will be easier (easier, not easy).

You can message me for more details. Can't write too much here, or I'll be rambling. But I'd be glad to help you out, if I could.

are you creating anything right now?

Anger and sadness are a part of this, unfortunately. I've felt that way many times - sometimes, for valid reasons, and often, for no reason at all. I understand the desire to drink, and also the desire to cut/harm yourself. I'm not a cutter, but I am a burner. Sometimes, it is so hard to not hold the lighter or cigarette to my arm to just feel physical pain instead of emotional torment.

The only advice that I have is that I agree with the posts that said acceptance is the first part. Once you accept that you will feel this way from time to time, you might be able to push away the urges to do self-destructive behavior. It's hard, I know.

I am not going to preach about the alcohol, because as someone who has been through periods of drinking two bottles of wine a night, I know how it helps at the time. But, if you're on medication, please just remember that there can be bad reactions to that. Most of us aren't supposed to drink on our medications, and I can say that drinking on mine has led to an accidental overdose twice. Taking care of yourself physically is the best thing you can do right now.

Because I still drink, I don't go to AA, but I do try to repeat to myself the saying:
God, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Easier said than done. Know that you have support here, and we're all pulling for you.

I don't know what to say, but I wanted to give you a big hug- xo

So sorry hun. if you don't have a reason for feeling that way though than you might need a med change.

I can relate though lately I've had a lot of anger issues. And sadness and pain, sounds like a way of life too these days.

I hope you feel better soon.