Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
I think I have some temporary/phase form of asexuality (being aromantic as well). I don't think it's been that long but I've had phases like this that've lasted weeks or months at a time, with or without drugs being a likely cause.
Asexual/aromantic as a permanent orientation is a very real thing that is more common than people think, a friend of mine is and I've known people who have been before.
But I'm wondering if it's to do with my meds...? Or the Bipolar itself, or my dissociative fugues, but with my splits it usually rapid-cycles, it's awkward and noticeable. This just sort of "is."
My sexual tendancies were the first to go, I noticed sort of a desensitization that worsened into a detachment, then I no longer felt romantic inclinations to protect and nurture the ones I love [as immature and flippant as I am I'm VERY protective and motherly when I love someone, a selfish lover is a useless one], now my behavior towards entirely platonic friends [including my asexual/aro friend, one of my closest] is growing detached.
I don't really care when friends wander off, usually I'll notice at some point and become panicky and sad that we're leading such separate lives, but it's more just an observation at this point.
I backed off from my close friend just very recently. I felt I was becoming too dependent... and... Sort of quietly distanced myself out of panic. It was extremely hard at first, now I feel cold, and that was the last of my affectionate feelings towards anyone.
Wow this was depressing. My life fuckin' sucks looool I'm sorry. Everything about my life is "bi-polar" from my moods to my eating and sleeping to even my instinctual need to bond and connect with people. One counselor suggested I might have Schizoaffective or a personality disorder, or comorbidity, i.e. something more serious than Bipolar, but officially everything else is caused by the bipolar, mimicking worse things.
Maybe I should mention at one point I had full-fledged personas [as I called them] emerging and hi-jacking my mindset at any given time, but again. "Bipolar". I've gone with it. I have no reason to think it's worse.
I recall one time I found myself sitting on my bed giggling and cooing in a childlike way at my boyfriend, at the time. He had tears in his eyes and I kept asking him what was wrong and he'd make eye contact, try to smile, and say "Nothing". I remembered I'd swapped at some point [my first full personality shift "black out" that I knew was caused by an emotionally traumatic moment]. I think eventually I recalled some of what brought me to that moment but enough was blocked that it didn't register and disturb the shit out of me, but right now I can't remember... I keep thinking what maybe he'd done, but I flash back to other times.
It's been a long time since it's been -THAT BAD- so I thought it went away or something.
Asexual/aromantic as a permanent orientation is a very real thing that is more common than people think, a friend of mine is and I've known people who have been before.
But I'm wondering if it's to do with my meds...? Or the Bipolar itself, or my dissociative fugues, but with my splits it usually rapid-cycles, it's awkward and noticeable. This just sort of "is."
My sexual tendancies were the first to go, I noticed sort of a desensitization that worsened into a detachment, then I no longer felt romantic inclinations to protect and nurture the ones I love [as immature and flippant as I am I'm VERY protective and motherly when I love someone, a selfish lover is a useless one], now my behavior towards entirely platonic friends [including my asexual/aro friend, one of my closest] is growing detached.
I don't really care when friends wander off, usually I'll notice at some point and become panicky and sad that we're leading such separate lives, but it's more just an observation at this point.
I backed off from my close friend just very recently. I felt I was becoming too dependent... and... Sort of quietly distanced myself out of panic. It was extremely hard at first, now I feel cold, and that was the last of my affectionate feelings towards anyone.
Wow this was depressing. My life fuckin' sucks looool I'm sorry. Everything about my life is "bi-polar" from my moods to my eating and sleeping to even my instinctual need to bond and connect with people. One counselor suggested I might have Schizoaffective or a personality disorder, or comorbidity, i.e. something more serious than Bipolar, but officially everything else is caused by the bipolar, mimicking worse things.
Maybe I should mention at one point I had full-fledged personas [as I called them] emerging and hi-jacking my mindset at any given time, but again. "Bipolar". I've gone with it. I have no reason to think it's worse.
I recall one time I found myself sitting on my bed giggling and cooing in a childlike way at my boyfriend, at the time. He had tears in his eyes and I kept asking him what was wrong and he'd make eye contact, try to smile, and say "Nothing". I remembered I'd swapped at some point [my first full personality shift "black out" that I knew was caused by an emotionally traumatic moment]. I think eventually I recalled some of what brought me to that moment but enough was blocked that it didn't register and disturb the shit out of me, but right now I can't remember... I keep thinking what maybe he'd done, but I flash back to other times.
It's been a long time since it's been -THAT BAD- so I thought it went away or something.
I'd run these feeling by your Pdoc
Meds can kill KILL the libido
I feel I'm not good at expressing myself to my pdoc. Are Lamictal's anti-love-chemicals effects this pronounced??? Tbh I thought it was a lame drug and doubted it'd do anything at all. If this is all my meds this is a hardcore brain-chemical-fucker-with.
Thank you DancingD.
You are very talented in your writing skills.
Lamictal is a med that feels like it's not doing anything.....until you stop.
I also believe it's a " Romance " killer
Lamictal does not seem to have listed Sexual Side Effects , as a side effect.
Although , uncontrollable hiccups was mentioned
:)
I would write or talk to one person when it did happen because my writing style and humor would shift very noticeably, but I haven't "felt like a different person" so to speak in a year or so. It kind of feels like being in character but you don't know why.
Thank you, about my writing. I don't think it's that great. I scraped by in English/Comp and Rhetoric with a C [it was a D until my final] because I would not revise or edit my style to please my Professor so she almost failed me. It's a skill I never picked up, lol.
Lamic's a seizure med. I've been on a Phenobarbital preparation before, it's nothing like that or an archetype "seizure med" at all lol.
Long-winded and opinionated will sink your ship quick if you're a Lit major. It's good for creative writing, but frowned upon for "idea" discussions supported by facts, etc. And most academic writing classes. :P