Your dad gives you money because he loves you.

I wonder if he knows his behavior is abusive?

There is always time for you to learn to pick up the pieces. You are being supported but I don't think you should put any kind of extreme deadline on yourself.

Part of life is growing and moving forward. We make small steps forward and bigger steps backward sometimes. You are going back to work, big step forward but even the small steps add up to being beneficial.

You could vacuum your house and that would help you, don't worry about your mistakes, remember the lesson forget about the failure.

I am naturally a well organised person, but my records went to shit for years because of mental illness and addiction. And even though I am now I have been sober for 11 years in AA, on the best meds mix I've ever been on and have the best mental health team and am mostly well organised, when I relapse, especially into Major Bipolar Depression - everything goes to shit in terms of my organisational skills and record keeping and financials things I need to do. It's part of the illness. Try not to blame yourself for it because all that is achieved is your self estem bottoming out and everything being worse (maybe including your self esteem and ability around speaking up to your Dad). Please just take it from me that these are aspects of our lives that we have no control of when we are ill, we just do our best.

This sounds so familiar. I get that way too and I feel so guilty for being dependent on my mom and grandmother. They do me the same way. I hate it. I get child support as well, but one of my children's father hasn't been working in 4 months so we have struggled to get by all summer. I'm in a horrible place mentally right now. I've gained atleast 20lbs and I just can't get organized. I'm an extremely neat and clean person so my home and life are driving me crazy at the moment, but I cannot pick myself back up. It's been this way for over a month. Our rent was due the first and I still do not have the money to pay it. My son needed school clothes so my money went for that instead. Hang in there. Hopefully things will get better soon. Just know you are not alone. :0)

The worst thing that we (as people with mental illness) can deal with is someone who we love and care about putting us down, I constantly have to deal with my mother and he stupid boyfriend, who has NO relation to me what so ever, always telling me what a fuk up I am and how crazy I am, and, "why don't you just stop it?!" I WISH I COULD JUST STOP! Snap my fingers and be "normal", and sane... I think your dad doesn't realize he is upsetting you and soon, if not already, you will have a meltdown of hysterics and screaming, then try to tell him that he makes you feel that way, but it will all be null and void because it will be during a breakdown. Most people just dont understand, I read on a website one time, for the family of someone who is bipolar, they must speak slowly and repeat things if necicary when we begin to become upset and overwhelmed. The last thing you or your father want and need is for you to have a breakdown, it is unneccisary emotional pain and frustration on both of you. My advice, try to tell him how you feel. Maybe you could even look online for a way to bring it to light without getting upset... This disease is tricky, bnut I'm sure you know that already. Good luck.