Hello, I am bipolar (lol). My family began to notice this when I was about 4. Talking to invisible people/trees (what kid doesnt?), not sleeping (what kid does?), sudden anger (what kid doesnt?),hearing God (my family is Christian?),hiding in boxes in the basement (well.). Nothing was ever done. Delusional mania hit in my teens, and then I ascended to a higher plain in my 20s. I am more normal/hypomanic/manic (lather, rinse, repeat) than depressed, but it is There, especially in the last few years.

Meds are Crucial. No, I did not take my own advice for Many years lived in denial, and wish I hadnt. (did I mention meds are Crucial?)

I am working on Awareness, seeing when I desire to give in to my symptoms, in either direction, and try to temper them by backing away. It is the hardest thing I have EVER done, but its worth it later.

Schedules and a routine are Usually good for bipolars, so we wont have external chaos on top of mental chaos. Noise can be helpful music, tv, etc to shut out thoughts when they intrude.

Time, unfortunately, has been a Major help for me in many areas, but others can learn earlier than myself!!

:)

Wow, Evelyn sounds like you have a story to tell. Thanks for sharing. It must have been really hard having a difficult relationship with your mom. I am hoping for the best. Im glad this is coming out so I can do something about it now. I am starting to be ok with it, atleast for today.

Mine are also too numerous to list. I had my first episode at 14 They tell me I planned to take the tv and go to Saturn. They ended up treating me for the ensuing depression and suicide attempt and called it good. I was finally dx with bp1 after my husband died in 2004 when I went into counseling. I am on meds but like most of us I hate them.

I was only diagnosed 9 months ago,and I'm 23, so fairly new to the beeper world.

My whole family knew that I wasn't the whole picnic basket from pretty early on; my behaviour has always been extreme and generally a whole "100% or nothing attitude" to every part of my life. I would drive my family insane during what they labelled "a hyper phase",which looking back were clear signs of mania. They weren't supportive during my childhood, yet surprisingly can't do enough for me now that I've been diagnosed.

I was in denial for an exceptionally long time, it was only when I completely crashed and burned at 22,that I sought help; I originally thought that it was just severe depression, so I was pretty shocked when I got referred to the Psych team for an evaluation and BP was the outcome.

I'm still a guinea pig at the mo, so my meds get changed when I refuse to take them any more! This is my 3rd med change this year, currently on lamictal. I do feel more stable, so unfortunately this doesn't play in to my whole denial of "they're all quacks, I'm the normal one!" theory.

I'm still working on myself, so I am in no way an expert on what a healthy lifestyle looks like yet, so stay tuned!

Overall, I feel like with my illness it's as though it's a split personality almost; the depressed version of myself is serious,pessimistic, uninterested,uncaring, and just closed off. Like nothing is getting through that wall! I just completely shut down. The manic version is the life and soul of the party, I live life on the edge, I love to take risks, I drink and party like I was born doing it. I am charming, witty, fun, passionate, intelligent and shop constantly. I get by on 2-3 hours sleep at night and will even be awake for up to 3-4 days planning all these wild and crazy things. I have a whole different attitude. I love it so much, but I'm so dangerous to myself during it.

My meds are defo helping though, I haven't been manic or suicidally depressed in a couple of months. I miss it so much sometimes though.

And welcome to the group!

I noticed something was wrong at about 14. My first symptoms were depression and paranoia. My mother is very supportive and my father tries to be. I'm on Lamictal 400mg, Risperidone 3mg, and klonoopin 3mg. I've noticed these medicine seem to work the best out of what all I've tried (and it's been a LOT).

I was a very dreamy little kid..always off on my own internal adventures, or reading books.
But I also loved climbing trees and catching polywogs.

In my teens I was sorta kinda depressed...Dr's weren't looking for BP or depression in kids in the 60's..so I muddled through.

First real manic episode I can think of I was about 20....psychosis followed, but I was untreated , and came down to a hypomanic state , that lasted for years.

OK...that's enough for now..otherwise I'd be writting a book !

Thanks, Dancingd. :o)

I took your advice and am going to put myself out there to get to know everyone better.

How old were you when you first knew something was different? - I still have times when I don't see my behaviors as unusual. I am symptomatic then. Looking back, I had my first major depressive symptoms in high school.

What were your first symptoms? I was depressed and contemplated suicide.

Was family involvement positive or negative? Why? Right now, my family is super supportive. When I was in college, they were in denial. I made a rather lame suicide attempt and no one would even suggest sending me to the hospital.

What kinds of things did you stop doing that weren't helpful? I reduced my caffeine and alcohol intake.

What kinds of things did you start doing? Helpful habits, routines, etc. I started a sleep schedule and I try to have structure in my day to day life.

Are you taking meds? What has been your experience with them? I do take meds. I find them to be critical, but I don't enjoy taking them.

Some interesting stuff above my post.

here it goes, I was always different, I started disconnecting before I could talk about it and remember being about 6 and telling my mom all about feeling disconnected. Trouble sleeping. strong paranoia. then as a teen i heard my first song that i couldnt find the source of, thought i might be schizo so i put on a really awesome show for years, only seeing a doc for depression or anxiety when i needed too.

then a couple of years ago I had a life event that made the disorder worsen, a great amount of external stress and a very abusive, unsupportive partner left me needing a daily dose of meds. its like my disorder used to come and go in sections of linear time and then one day those sections made a rubber band ball of mental chaos. i began hallucinating and became delusional, manic, depressed, i could never tell you how i felt, i was just off. it is scary to think back on. i will forever be careful about the partner i choose and never be too dependent to not walk away.

my parents have been very supportive and wish me the best.

i stopped taking any substances that we not my meds. some people find pot helpful but for me it is a heaping dose of crippling paranoia. alcohol may make the anxiety a bit better, but it interferes after, in the action of my meds.

I started talking to myself in short positive mantra sentences, makes life not so scary. i try to do little things to feel better about myself, eat right, exercise

i take lithium and occasionally klonopin if i need it. i like the meds I am on now. I dont feel as dumbed down as I did on the risperdal (even tho i did like the mental eraser effect and i was productive) and i cant take trileptal anymore for a bone marrow deficiency issue. seems i am sensitive to meds that may do that.

i wish you the best, it is hard to live with a label. it is hard to be different when people cant always see it. it is hard to stay on meds when they make you feel normal and all of the sudden you believe you are fine without them. it is even harder when they have shitty side effects. tho with all that said, i agree with GT "meds are Crucial" :)

-i knew i was different at a very young age.
-my first symptoms were anger, depression, and complete rebellion.
-negative family...i was out by 15. black sheep, no love.
-i stopped drugs and living so wildly, but the most important thing i'm still in the process of stopping is the self-criticism and self-hatred.
-i got my sleep patterns sorted, a tonne of therapy, and a lot of counseling.
-i have been on meds for 7 months. risperdol,remeron, and celexa. celexa is new and it is having awful side-effects. the anti-psychotics dull me down, but did save my life and sanity.

I could write a book - it would be long but I think the illustrations would be quite groovy.

1. knew i was different at a very young age...4 or 5.
2. first symptoms were shoved off as me having a "wild imagination." i had a lot of "imaginary friends" and they would come and go.
3. at first, my family did not believe the diagnosis, so going through my teens and 20's was very difficult. had a psychotic break at 16 and was hospitalized, but that didn't even help on the family front. now, though, i find my family is much more supportive and loving where my diagnosis is concerned.
4. in my 20's, i was heavy into drugs (self-medicating), but once i stopped, i felt a lot better and my cycling slowed.
5. i started meditating and have established as much a routine that is possible in my day. i have a set wake-up and bedtime; i schedule meditation time. i even eat at the same times every day. i find a lot of comfort in my routines and that predictability reduces my anxiety.
6. i am on Lamictal 100mg in the morning and Abilify 20mg, Klonopin 2mg and Zyprexa 5mg at night. this combination seems to be working, though i have been depressed a bit lately. i was on Prozac for a few months, but that caused me to get manic, so my pdoc stopped it. was never medicated as an adolescent and it has just been the past year or so that i have been medicated for bipolar disorder.

I would start at around 9 years old with a very high anxiety level and a lot of anger. These were things that my parents noticed, but just could not really do much about.

I first started to think I needed help in my early 20s. I started to notice differences in how I acted that seemed opposites. Its also when my knew my depression was not normal. But I really did not know where to go or how to get help.

I started taking Tegretol for epilepsy in my late 20s, and notices how it created a huge divide not only in my mood, but also in the world around me. This was when I first realized that I often did have hallucinations and delusion, but had always just that they were real.

When I knew something was different: I was 23. I turned from an extremely ambitious and motivated person to someone who could not accomplish the most basic tasks at work. I quit sleeping for 2 weeks. I just lay in bed obsessing: why couldn't I get my work done? I lost 20 pounds in two weeks. I lost the ability to converse with my coworkers. I couldn't stop thinking about suicide.

When I got back to the States I finally saw a psychiatrist. He told me I had clinical depression and that a pill would fix me. Boy, did I think he was nuts! But I took Zoloft for 4 weeks - still trying to think of painless ways to suicide. Next, I shot into a full blown mania. I then decided that mania was the normal state everyone was always in, and that I had been depressed my whole life. The mania lasted about 7 months. Then the inevitable crash.

After this, I was diagnosed Bipolar I. Back then (mid 1990's) the common method to treat BP was an anti-depressant w/ lithium. This made manias horrible and, for me, didn't seem to lift depressions any sooner.

Family involvement: Supportive. They knew who I used to be and who I had become. They knew how much it hurt me when I had to quit my career. My family had always been open and honest with one another, so I don't remember them putting stigma on me.

What did I stop doing: Working. I married a college boyfriend instead. I told him I was afraid I couldn't take care of myself anymore. He married me in spite of my disorder. BIG mistake!

What did I start doing: It didn't take too long for me to become compliant on meds - even though they never seemed to minimize the frequency or severity of depressions or manias. I have always hated routine, so I fought that for 20 years. I am just now recognizing that therapists are right - routine is important for BPs. Within the last couple of months I have created a daily checklist. It bores me, but it is helping stabilize my moods.

My meds are finally helping. They are working better than ever. I'm on 2 mood stabilizers, and Abilify (which may be a 3rd mood stabilizer.) After 20 years of useless meds you can imagine my relief to have found a combo that is helping.

My pdoc is constantly nagging me to see a therapist in conjunction w/ meds. An ex pdoc used to say 'meds are only 50% of treatment.'

In closing, I guess I would have to say I wasn't proactive enough in my treatment. At times, I'm still not. I always felt helpless and hopeless when a depression hit. I only did the bare minimum. Stayed in bed the rest of the day. Sometimes I still do this too. In manias I offended everyone possible. And got into legal trouble, fired from jobs after 2 or 3 weeks, etc. Bounced checks. All kinds of mayhem. My husband has been instrumental in telling me when my moods are getting out of bounds. When I listen to him. ;-)

the first thing i can think of is when the doc told me raised interst can be a sign of bi polar then i think of all the time i spend obsessed with things and the long nights and little sleep then days of nothing happen the moods where real bad but i been this way since i was a kid it got worse ofver the years and when i had to go to the er for anxiety attacks i know something was wrong but not what then there was the jail time 95 days with no charge and a mental heath chack that said i was self medactioning for years but i did get meds i got put back out on the street and had a bill to pay before i could get help then my family doc did a pshyical and we talk that got me the help i tried to get for a couple of years but there is finding in most studys that say this is gentic so i think the syptoms come on early but there managebale till life really hits and in your early 20s when the brain makes the finally changes that when most get the full affect but at first i did think anything of it because of the obsissive nature i have so i sleep for a few days after staying awake a few days that makes sense and peopel piss me off it is there fault not mine if i could have know earlyier it would have been nice but it is what it is so i just move on with it but after meds the world is diffenent cant get rid of the obsessions but that ok i like it but the sleep and mood is more normal not totally but it works now i acuttly work for a living and have got a degree wrote cds and movies things really inproved so that a little about me hope it helps and i hope this is what you are looking for