Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
Hey everyone. I have posted this under the 'crisis' forum, but was suggested that posting it here might be better. Sorry, am new to the site so just learning. I will just copy paste. Thank you so much for reading, for those who do. Much love, Sarah.
Sorry, I posted this as a journal entry too. New to the site and I guess this relates to a few different forums, but seeing as I am diagnosed BiPolar I thought it would be most relevant here. Apologies if it is in the wrong forum, and for the long essay-like rambling. Don't read if you don't want to.
I've heard various opinions on this, but something straight-up and candid would be much appreciated. I've been bulimic (usually combined with restricting) for 11 and a half years. I have also been on a whole concoction of meds for at least eight years. Currently (for the last four years) I've been on 54mg Concerta, 200mg Epitek, 60mg Nuzak, 150mg Toplet, 200mg Seroquel, 2mg Rivotril, I double my dose of Concerta and double/triple my dose of Rivotril and also see another doctor on the side where I get Bromazepam and Ritalin (as I run out of the Concerta way before the end of the month). Have crazy panic attacks, sleep is a huge problem .I have been doing drugs (mostly cocaine and weed) on and off for 10 years too. I drink wine every night. I really have tried to stop, but if I don't I literally cannot calm down. I've stopped smoking weed as the paranoia was so bad, and have majorly cut down on cocaine. Which I know is a dangerous mix with the meds I am on. But sometimes when you feel so fucking low, to be honest, feeling 'ok' for a few hours is my only saving grace from suicide. I don't expect everyone to understand that, but my mind becomes too much to deal with at times and I need to get out of it when it feels like it is going to explode into something much worse than a night out. I can sleep for days on end. And then go through days without any sleep and heightened anxiety. I have been diagnosed Bipolar, and now maybe Borderline. Also OCD, ADD and suffer extreme paranoia at times. I have very graphic and highly disturbing images that come to mind randomly throughout the day and with no trigger leading to them. I've had problems breathing at night without the Rivotril / any type of benzo and see flashing lights (like little starts) throughout the day. Feel an urgency to do something meaningful in my life, so I live very spontaneously and don't think of consequences. Just in a really bad place mentally and I think physically too. Not sure what to do anymore, do not feel much of a purpose. Work has been my life for the last decade and by realising my 'dream' I lost all my friends as I had no time for anyone. I feel drained. My drive is turning into smile of indifference and a mechanic routine of distraction to keep bay the thoughts I have. I actually just want to feel a sense of peace. It's been an ongoing struggle for so long and I really am just so tired now. When do you finally face up to reality and make a decision to at least bring an end to the chaos that never ends.
Sorry for the long post.
Sarah Claire x
Sorry, I posted this as a journal entry too. New to the site and I guess this relates to a few different forums, but seeing as I am diagnosed BiPolar I thought it would be most relevant here. Apologies if it is in the wrong forum, and for the long essay-like rambling. Don't read if you don't want to.
I've heard various opinions on this, but something straight-up and candid would be much appreciated. I've been bulimic (usually combined with restricting) for 11 and a half years. I have also been on a whole concoction of meds for at least eight years. Currently (for the last four years) I've been on 54mg Concerta, 200mg Epitek, 60mg Nuzak, 150mg Toplet, 200mg Seroquel, 2mg Rivotril, I double my dose of Concerta and double/triple my dose of Rivotril and also see another doctor on the side where I get Bromazepam and Ritalin (as I run out of the Concerta way before the end of the month). Have crazy panic attacks, sleep is a huge problem .I have been doing drugs (mostly cocaine and weed) on and off for 10 years too. I drink wine every night. I really have tried to stop, but if I don't I literally cannot calm down. I've stopped smoking weed as the paranoia was so bad, and have majorly cut down on cocaine. Which I know is a dangerous mix with the meds I am on. But sometimes when you feel so fucking low, to be honest, feeling 'ok' for a few hours is my only saving grace from suicide. I don't expect everyone to understand that, but my mind becomes too much to deal with at times and I need to get out of it when it feels like it is going to explode into something much worse than a night out. I can sleep for days on end. And then go through days without any sleep and heightened anxiety. I have been diagnosed Bipolar, and now maybe Borderline. Also OCD, ADD and suffer extreme paranoia at times. I have very graphic and highly disturbing images that come to mind randomly throughout the day and with no trigger leading to them. I've had problems breathing at night without the Rivotril / any type of benzo and see flashing lights (like little starts) throughout the day. Feel an urgency to do something meaningful in my life, so I live very spontaneously and don't think of consequences. Just in a really bad place mentally and I think physically too. Not sure what to do anymore, do not feel much of a purpose. Work has been my life for the last decade and by realising my 'dream' I lost all my friends as I had no time for anyone. I feel drained. My drive is turning into smile of indifference and a mechanic routine of distraction to keep bay the thoughts I have. I actually just want to feel a sense of peace. It's been an ongoing struggle for so long and I really am just so tired now. When do you finally face up to reality and make a decision to at least bring an end to the chaos that never ends.
Sorry for the long post.
Sarah Claire x
I hope you will find the support and maybe even learn some insights into dealing with bipolar.
Hugs
dd
It does feel sometimes like an ongoing battle that will never end. Do you feel that ur meds are the right balance for you? That can make all the difference in the world, and having a good pdoc.
I hope you find some comfort and support here, the people are really very nice.
((((Hugs))))
Sometimes its really good to get out exactly how and why you feel a certain way and I think you did that very clearly and well and want to say congratulations on taking steps to get some more help. Reaching out for support like you are doing is so very sensible and proven advantageous to many here, so why not you too!
Here's hoping that's how it pans out, and its the start of a better future for you.