Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
So I just knocked over a cup of water all over the floor...and it has set me off in NO uncertain terms. Like the last straw...sorry in advance because this is long...
So much going on...My mom lives with me but my mom has been sick since September 2012...had surgery for cancer and they removed all of her lymph nodes in her groin and now she has nerve damage in her legs. She had to have a second surgery in November because they found positive margins from her first surgery.
She was doing well until June when they put in a pacemaker/internal cardiac defibrillator. Within a few days she was having horrible chest pain so we went to the ER. Lots of blood work, 2 EKG's and a cat scan later he sends her home with 15 pain killers. We see the doctor 3 days later and they do an ultrasound and one of the leads of the pacemaker was perforating her heart and causing blood to collect in the sac around her heart. So back to the hospital and they do emergency surgery to change the lead out. 3 days later the entire pacemaker pocket is infected so back into surgery to remove the whole damn thing. We go home with a cardiac vest she has to wear at all times in case her heart needs a shock, an IV in her neck so I can give her IV antibiotics, oxygen all the time and a wound vac to close the whole in her chest from the old pacemaker. Home health was a joke...they showed me how to clean the wound and give the antibiotics and luckily I know about medical stuff but sometimes I just want to rest...not deal with laundry and dinner and bandages and everything else. I take care of cancer patients at work...can we say burnout???
She is so weak she has to use a wheelchair everywhere we go and don't forget about dragging around the oxygen...and they are going to put the pacemaker back in on the other side of her chest in a few weeks. I was moved to part-time at work in May...which I now know was a blessing...but mentally I am exhausted. Luckily I see my doctor tomorrow...and I think it is time for a med tweak because I am going crazy. I am short tempered...bawling all the time...angry-so angry...plus I am having to travel 7+ hours to see a specialist for myself because my immune system is apparently not working. I am now going to have to get monthly infusions(that charge my insurance $13K+ a month) so my part will be like 20% of about $3K each month.
Sorry for the rant but enough is enough...I sat in the car tonight when I got home from work and just thought about closing the garage door and letting the car run...but don't worry I won't. I need my family and they need me...but sometimes you just can't stop those thoughts from creeping in. Damn it.
I feel so selfish...it's not like I'm the one who's hurting...I feel like a horrible daughter for being mad.
So much going on...My mom lives with me but my mom has been sick since September 2012...had surgery for cancer and they removed all of her lymph nodes in her groin and now she has nerve damage in her legs. She had to have a second surgery in November because they found positive margins from her first surgery.
She was doing well until June when they put in a pacemaker/internal cardiac defibrillator. Within a few days she was having horrible chest pain so we went to the ER. Lots of blood work, 2 EKG's and a cat scan later he sends her home with 15 pain killers. We see the doctor 3 days later and they do an ultrasound and one of the leads of the pacemaker was perforating her heart and causing blood to collect in the sac around her heart. So back to the hospital and they do emergency surgery to change the lead out. 3 days later the entire pacemaker pocket is infected so back into surgery to remove the whole damn thing. We go home with a cardiac vest she has to wear at all times in case her heart needs a shock, an IV in her neck so I can give her IV antibiotics, oxygen all the time and a wound vac to close the whole in her chest from the old pacemaker. Home health was a joke...they showed me how to clean the wound and give the antibiotics and luckily I know about medical stuff but sometimes I just want to rest...not deal with laundry and dinner and bandages and everything else. I take care of cancer patients at work...can we say burnout???
She is so weak she has to use a wheelchair everywhere we go and don't forget about dragging around the oxygen...and they are going to put the pacemaker back in on the other side of her chest in a few weeks. I was moved to part-time at work in May...which I now know was a blessing...but mentally I am exhausted. Luckily I see my doctor tomorrow...and I think it is time for a med tweak because I am going crazy. I am short tempered...bawling all the time...angry-so angry...plus I am having to travel 7+ hours to see a specialist for myself because my immune system is apparently not working. I am now going to have to get monthly infusions(that charge my insurance $13K+ a month) so my part will be like 20% of about $3K each month.
Sorry for the rant but enough is enough...I sat in the car tonight when I got home from work and just thought about closing the garage door and letting the car run...but don't worry I won't. I need my family and they need me...but sometimes you just can't stop those thoughts from creeping in. Damn it.
I feel so selfish...it's not like I'm the one who's hurting...I feel like a horrible daughter for being mad.
You have feelings. And you're allowed.
And I would guess you are hurting...at least emotionally.
I feel for you, and often have had the straw that broke the camel's back...can even relate to knocking over the water, exactly! When my back is hurt, it is a FACT that I will drop every damn thing...pisses me off!
Hang in there! X
Therapy dog, huh?
Never would've thought that breed dog would be therapy dog.
Ours barks all the time, piercing shrills! It's awful. She never shuts up.
Pig's shoes are S E X Y, aren't they?! LOL!!
Got a message from someone else who liked 'em, too.
Too funny!
It got to the point where I knew I need a few hours to myself each week or I was going to fall apart.
Check with local Social Services.
They may be able to connect you with Home Health Care.
If your Mom is low income, Medicade will pay for it
I know the strain
hugs
Everything sounds overwhelming as overwhelming as can be. I'm a nurse, but honestly, people pay me to be nice! I get paid to do my job....and I know it's your mother but that is a lot to to do and be responsible for.
I hope you have a nurse out to care for her lines and wound vac at minimum.
24/7 care for someone you know and love is a different kind of draining, exhausting, and putting on edge. Honestly I'm an awesome nurse, but get frazzled quickly caring for my own at home over time.
Tell your mothers doctors office you need more help! you're getting IVIG? You need help! What about taking FMLA to care for your mom for a couple of 3 weeks?
Time to stop being nice and get what you need to survive. This board is hear for you. And your chiweenie chiweenie so cute!
xo. Big Hugs. Going to say a prayer for you all tonight.
I have in home care. They have house keeps. they have person who schedule attpts n takes client to n from Dr appts n do errons.
I have laun service.
I also hired neighbor to get my waste can to n from curb side.
The morning N/A bring in news paper n the paper mail. she fix's mt morning coffee, braf n lunch. she also fixes my dinner n my late night snake in advance. she leaves at 3PM. I have 2 shifts. I have emergentcy call button just incase I need help during the night.
Often the dy shift will return n spend the night.
I had a mother n law type effect apt added to my house for when I need a live in. yes the day might come that I will need a live in and a wk end relief worker.
Dear, care takes must learn how to n when to take care of themselves. If they don't they will have such throughts. yep it has an effect on every aspect of care take life if they do not take care of themselves.
My Sister does heart transplants. she resides in Washington.
Order yourself nice things. pamper yourself. sport an ankle bracelet n/r toe ring. polish ea of your toe nails a different color r polish ypur mom's toe nails dif colors.
Do thing that will give you those feel good moments.
Now regard hospital/Dr's I would manage to get a copy of my records from hospital. I would run like a bat out of hell to atty law group. it is best to deal with law group. tthen I would pick out new car n go house hunting. yep dan right I would sue them n yes I would even sue the surgery rm nurses.
This wk. buy chair back shape pillow, rent movies n books,
Buy a new scent of bath oil n yes a pretty extry lrg towel/wrap around. per make couple of party trays n lrg bowel of salad. get a few magizines and go to you room. and don't forget to go to salon to at least have your hair washed - scap messaged.
Breath, take slow/relaxing breaths, oull covers up so that only your muti colored toes are showing n giggle.
You are a great person for being such a dedicated and loving daughter. You are allowed to be frustrated and angry with the situation - it doesn't make you a bad person, or a bad carer or a bad daughter - it makes you human. You are not alone and I can talk to you whenever you want :)
Also, I don't know what the social services are like in the US and then your state, so I can't comment on what support you may be able to receive. However, if you aren't able to get anything or there isn't any help, are there any charities that can help you?
Phhhht!!! You're not selfish and you're not a horrible daughter!!!
If you were, you wouldn't be taking care of your mom the way you are!!!
Whoooo!!! Talk about high stress.
And it sounds like most of it is nothing that you can do anything to alleviate.
I'm sorry life is being so hard on you right now.
(And I hope you're mom's doing better soon, too!! And that the next procedure takes care of some things.)
(((((Hugs)))))
put a lean against your parents property. why should you give up most of your life that will take a few yrs off your life for work that you do when your other siblins ony keep intouch to feel better about them self n to feel better about themselves by being able to tell their c workers that they have close relationship w their arents n that they do for their parents. of course their co workers don't know that what they mean is that they send gifts n pop in for christams tio be able to say that they see n do thing for their parents. most do so to get a visual to see how much longer...
also if state gets in voled you can get property if you have proof that you have assisted w property maintance, loans, insurance, repairs...
Yes it is great business for state to take elder/handi cap people w long term illness property in exchange for in home assistance n in patients treatment/care.
yes the state will also go after grandmaw bank acct shares etc... yep even the gold fillings. after all gold filling are listed in her medical records.
Please take time to take time for yourself. please read up on n find a support group regarding care takers taking care of them self.
My Mother has in hoe care. my siblins n I share cost of the part of cost that medicare doesn't cover. That's how we show that we care. will I stay with n care for my Mother on daily bases, hell no. I will hire extry assistance, to assist her w her dyly care. I live her but I also love myself n my family n my life...