It sounds serious. You should call 911.

i went over to his house last night again until i absolutely had to go home and i am going to go over as soon as his mom wakes up so i don't bother anyone.

thank whatever the hell good there isss!
i just called his mom again and he's sttill alive. i have never been this relieved in my whole life.
i doubt it had anything to do with me, but something made him ignore the impulse and now he will be able get over it and feel better. i really thought last night was it.

but he always gets over it, just like i do. we just forget that sometimes so one of us has to be the voice of reason or we both forget. that's kind of hard, but hey, we are both still alive. i think that counts for something.

call 911

call 911

Good for you, Sarah, for being his "voice of reason". Still, whew, what a scare, huh? Does he get like this often?

he doesn't get like this usually at all.
he has been extra angry though but he gets into these random mean moods for a couple of days but it only happens like once every 4 months.
but it's confusing because he'll be all happy and nice one minute and then he'll start yelling, but he said he hasn't been mad at me so that makes me feel better.

but we talked about it and we both said that although we both sometimes want to kill ourselves, we won't.
and i believe him, it was just extra bad last night.

it's not your job, or within your abilities, to keep him alive emotionally or physically. that's HIS job - and if he's temporarily overwhelmed and can't take care of himself - it's time for professional help. call 911. if you keep yourself exposed to him when he's suicidal, and he does the same when you are - you could drag each other down. this isn't about loving someone or not loving someone, it's about understanding self-care, limits and boundaries. the most loving thing you can do is get the right people to keep him safe. like 911.

i keep him safe. he takes care of me and i take care of him. i'm not going to leave him and tell him to call 911. i'm staying with him because i love him. and i know that that works a hell of a lot better than calling 911.
and we don't drag each other down. we are helping each other.

and it is definitely my job and within my abilities to keep him alive.

sweetie, it's NOT your job to keep him alive. None of us can take that much responsibility for someone else- no matter how much we love them. That is way too much pressure for you. As his partner, you have comitted to love him and care him the best you can- which may include calling 911 the next time he gets like this. You cannot, and do not have to, do this all by yourself.

It's not letting him down to call 911. Go there, be with him, hold his hand, and if you believe his life is in danger, get him to the hospital. That is the loving thing to do- it is not a betrayal.

Bootwalk is right, if these episode happen often as you say, he needs medical treatment and counseling. This type of relationship could potentially be toxic to both of you.

IT'S NOT FUCKING TOXIC.
it doesn't happen often like that.
and i am not fucking going to think that it's toxic you don't fucking know us. you don't even know anything about our relationship.

Call 911, that is all i can suggest...

Hey Sarah, I'm really sorry that this is going on with your boyfriend, and am so relieved to hear he is doing better. You both are very lucky to be in a relationship in which taking care of each other is the number one priority. He is very, very lucky to have you in his life.

Please remember, that we are just trying to help you here, and we only know what you tell us- you're right, we don't know your relationship, but are only trying to help. There is no judgement here, only support.

fuck i'm sorry i got mad. i needed my meds and i felt really sick and shitty. i'm sorry that was really rude.
i didn't mean to upset anyone.
i hope you can forgive me