Sorry you are hurting and feeling so alone Angela. Please reach out to someone there. I know it is difficult and there are times we feel they won't understand. Just you posting here shows you want help and that you are scared. Do you have something you can re-focus your thoughts on? Can you ask someone there to just take a walk with you? If your man is there with you, go to him and be honest about how you feel. We get in the trap of isolating and avoiding reaching out and it makes it more and more difficult to do.

Try to make the first move toward reaching out to them. You already know the usual.........therapist, pdoc etc. xo

((Angela))

I'm sorry you are plagued by suicidal thoughts day and night. Been there. It is awful.

Sometimes the best we can do short term is to ride it out. Don't do anything to hurt yourself though. I like Shelly4's idea of distraction & changing focus.

I hope you find love, peace and relief soon.

When I feel this alone, I push myself out the door to go anywhere to be among other humans. A support group. Shopping mall. Movies. To play pool. Church. The park. Anywhere where there are people. I then look for eye contact. If I can, I try to smile and see if I can get a smile back.

Notice I said nothing about it being easy or justy. Everything is hard when I am in the space you describe here.

Hope you find your way through.

Yeah, I've been there...surrounded by people, but feeling alone and sad. (If I read you right.)

I agree with Arfie. Pushing myself to get out is sometimes best for me.

I'm glad you've reached out here. Just try to hold on. XO

Angela, remember, if you give in to those feelings, the disease wins. You are stronger than it. Don't let the depression dictate your life. Keep fighting :)

I am familiar with suicidal thoughts. You need to call a crisis line and talk your feelings out. If it gets bad enough please go to the hospital. You are very important and your life matters. Hugs

Shelly 4 has some good ideas. I know suicidal ideas, I have them from time to time. If your bf isn't behaving the way you expect, or want him to, you should confront him and tell him how you feel. Good Luck. I hope you feel better.

I agree too with Arfie...sometimes I go to the coffee shop with my drawing gear and just draw and listen to people's conversations. I started going to church for the same reason, I just wanted to overhear other people's lives and get out of my own little world a tiny bit. It's tough though, it wretchedly painfully tough to take even the smallest step when you're in that place.

Sometimes when I feel piss rotten I buy myself something nice on Etsy, then I have to stay in one piece until it arrives. That's silly I know, but sometimes the silliest tricks work.

Be sure to have someone close to you remove any suicide materials away from you or hide them, like guns, excessive sleep meds etc.

I have trouble with my fellow not being close to me when I REALLY need him. Okay - well sometimes he comes through - but other times he's so oblivious! :D I have no advice there, people are all different.

I hope you get to feeling better soon luv (((Big TIght Hugs)))

I hope that you get to feeling better soon. XOXO

Just don't give in, you deserve better that to end your own life, we all do. I know how hard it can be but sometimes we need to make ourselves be around others and confide in a boyfriend if he is willing to listen. Tell him how you feel. Maybe your tdoc or pdoc can help. Big hugs for you and hope you feel better soon!