Okay, so the last three weeks have been wonderful for me, but horrible for my son.
I got a job on the 31 of October. I was working seven to seven everyday for a little over two weeks straight. I had to get up at four and leave by five to ride the train downtown to where I would catch a bus that took me to work. I would get off at seven, and ride that bus back to the train and get off the train about eight thirty. I didn't get to see him at all.
My mood has been stable and I've been generally happy. I got released from the assignment on Wednesday last week. When my son got home from school, he was in tears. It took a long sporadic conversation to get out of him what was wrong. He had gotten into trouble at school. AGAIN. He was already grounded and on punishment at home for being in trouble at school and he knew his punishment would be longer. I had to medicate him to calm him down, and put him to bed. Thursday, I went to the school to see what all trouble he had gotten into. Apparently he spent the entire week before that in ISS and when he got out, the kids in his regular classroom were teasing him. He got mad and threw a fit and got sent back to the office, and back to ISS. I set up a parent teacher conference to address his issues in class. It's for next week. But his outbursts are getting more and more violent. I'm afraid he will hurt someone. Friday, he got home from school and was in an okay mood. I let him play instead of being grounded because he has been good at school. When I told him it was time to get ready for bed he started holding his breath and banging his head against the wall. It's the weekend before Thanksgiving, I did NOT want him in the hospital for the holiday, so I didn't call any of the crisis lines because that's all they would have suggested. I medicated him again and put him to bed. This weekend was rather bland. My daughter wanted to go to MI to visit her bio-mom and sister. After I took her to the airport last night, my son went manic. Pacing all through the house, talking to things not there, telling me the green man won't leave him alone. At one this morning, he crashed. Crying for two hours straight, telling me how he would kill himself and that the green man is whispering how it wouldn't hurt anymore. I called the hospital and they told me they didn't have any open beds and told me to call another hospital. Same answer, no beds. The only option was the emergency room. I figured I'd just wait til this morning after he passed out, and I fell asleep in bed with him. He woke up this morning with no recolection, or at least denying any knowledge of last night. I took him to the hospital and they sent us home, he's not currently suicidal or self harming.
I'm so exhausted, emotionally and physically. I'm overwhelmed. I'm at my wits end. My symptoms are back. I have the bell/chime in my left ear and buzzing in both. The shadows are forming and moving, but no faces yet. I'm restless and crying. I called the hospital back and waited on hold for twenty minutes to be told no beds. I guess we're headed to the emergency room, so that we can both be watched while we sleep. My husband is working and was told that if he misses any work during the next two months, he will be let go. At least his days aren't so long, but there isn't a day off until after January. Only Thanksgiving and Christmas.
I don't know how much more I can take.