Just to add to this I had a really bad night and cut up ny arn really bad. I had to go to the er to get it stiched up, it was a mess. then they kept me for three days to make sure i wouldn't do it again. As a sit in front of my computer I am carving up my arm. It lets me cry and lets out the pain. I know this is a destructive behavior but It makes me feel better.

Micheal, sometimes the depression is part of the cycle, and just has to be gutted through. Suxs huh!

Office politics can get anyone in a frazzle.

Realize your negative thoughts are coming from your Bad Brain.

Try and use coping skills to get through your days at work.

Put up notes to yourself , affirming you DO A GOOD JOB.

Give your self positive pep talks.

And then remember , if this doesn't break the depressive episode....it's NOT your fault.

We are bipolar..our mood swings have a life cycle of their own...are you on meds?
Maybe talk to your Pdoc about some med tweek.?

In any case...I'm rooting for you
hugs
dd

I don't have any advice for you, but I want you to know we are here for you

Hi Mage, I will try my best to offer some support. My depressive episodes can get severe as well, and self-mutilation is also one of my vices, although I haven't cut in more than a year. I can't advise you not to cut, but what I went through was a period of trying to cope with the pain inside and trying not to translate it into actions outside.

I understand what it feels like to not be able to "perform" or "function" properly at work. I know how hard it is to do so especially when you're in an episode. I feel, and from personal experience as well, if you're really unhappy at work (despite and in spite your depressive episode) in general, then you might want to consider quitting. I'm not suggesting you quit without thinking, but it may be something you want to consider. I think job fulfilment helps in our condition.

It is very difficult to "break" the depression. I myself was in a depressed mode for four weeks right before this, I only started having averagely okay days since Sunday. Maybe you can contact your pdoc and see if you can tweak your meds. I understand that crash you face when you've been having manic episodes. It hurts even more sometimes. I found that the only way I could get out of episodes for real was to ride through them, brace myself, and then hopefully after a period of time, I'll be ready again to face the world.

*hugs*

try to let the negative thoughts go ,when you start to think negative don't finish the sentence in your head just let it go.
think I'm not going to down myself life does that enough and be kind to yourself remember your inner child if you can and don't bruise your mind !

I hope you stop cutting soon xx

Hi Michael - been wondering how things were going for you. :/

Are you still taking the lithium and other meds? (yeah, I sound like a damn nag) How about the "other stuff"? (no, Really not nagging - honest)

Man, you were Up for soooo long...this is a Cycle, but it knocks us on our Asses when it happens. Please remember it's a cycle...are ya seeing your doc about it?

I hate to see it, because I know it interferes with work and projects and Life, but take it easy on yourself if you can; it's Healthy, and it doesn't mean you are unable to do everything - you're only stuck "at the moment".

*hugs* I hope you'll just take things one day at a time - sometimes, those damn days can gang up on you. :/

Like the others said....try to remind yourself that this IS a cycle and you will get to feeling better......when nobody knows, but it will happen eventually. Sorry you aren't feeling well...sending well wishes your way!! oxox

I suffer from horrid depressions also. One thing to remember is that it is a temporary thing and you will have an upswing. Think of the things in life that you are thankful for and make a list. Set up a routine of a few things that you do each day for yourself. Meditate or pray, self care, good hygiene, necessary chores etc. and then when they are done you can do what you want ie sleep etc. It has helped me. I haven't worked in years but I know what you mean about worrrying about your review. If you get a negative review then tell your boss that you are willing to seek help as you have trouble focusing which is more than likely true. Search out a good therapist and work on your issues. Therapy helps me more than medication but both together are necessary for some of us. Best of luck to you...Hugs!

Im glad to see you but so sorry you are suffering so badly sweetie.. Can you take sick time off of work.. this is a huge stress when you are ill...there shouldnt be any bad performance at work when you're off ill...I have no doubt under these circumstances your doc will certainly support you..
Please hang on Micheal as others have said this will come under control... are you in therapy now sweetie??... sending you a big hug of comfort..xo

counseling and medicine is the best combination i feel. it's hard to evaluate yourself if you are feeling so low. and you have to try to let go and trust the professionals.

is it even possible to muster up the energy to go to the gym, increase the endorphins? i'm really sorry you're going thru this. i know we don't know eachother, but i've been there, i'm half way there right now. it's hard not to fee the depression monster, hope you come out of it. hugs.

Mage,

You really need to find a better outlet then cutting. However that being said as a fellow cutter I'm not going to jump your ass about it. I get what you mean when you say "it lets me cry and lets out the pain" Luckily I haven't cut in about 2 months but the thoughts are there, I finally had to throw my boxcutter out the door one day literally before my hospitalization. I just opened the door, made sure none of my neighbors were outside, closed my eyes and launched it off the patio out into the parking lot or bbq area, etc. I didn't open my eyes until I had turned around, walked back inside and closed the door and locked it.

If you need anything we are all here to help you!

DISCLAIMER: I RELATE EMOTIONS OF OTHERS TO MEMBERS OF MY FAMILY--THAT'S JUST ME-DON'T TAKE OFFENSE!

_______________-

CAN YOU TAKE SOME TIME OFF? IF NOT TODAY, THEN PLAN SOME TIME OFF MIKE? PLEASE. YOU NEED IT.

In the meantime, get some soothing teas and some music for the office and pace yourself with your work. Take care of yourself when you get home and watch movies, read a book and just relax.

I also feel like my job is a joke. I also have a sister who works 12 hours for her bosses and I guess I just don't understand why they work her so hard ALL THE TIME. She's sort of corporate/kind of--She's a tax and real estate attorney. I mean I understand it on a cognigitve level, but they work her like a blue collar electrician at a power plant--I mean--7 days a week almost. She's very, very stressed out.