Bipolar Disorder Support Group

Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.

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SoleyUnrequited 03/30/2010

I don't want to sound like every other pathetic person here. I'm not trying to say my problems are worse and others here either. But I honestly cannot imagine going on as the way things are at this point yet I CANNOT kill myself. I absolutely refuse to kill myself because I wouldn't be able to come back so say I'm sorry or physically be there for the people morning for me. So I guess to you it sounds like I don't want to die but I do because its all i can think about.

Confused? Maybe. Stupid? Quite possibly.

But i just feel nothing can get better. My relationships suck, i don't feel loved, I feel useless, hopeless, lonely...I just hate myself and the things I've done. It seems like its just too much to ask to be satisfied with my life for a while. It never lasts!

So I've written a death letter and made a video in case I happen to get involved in a freak accident or something just so people would know i would have wanted to die anyway.

tommymott 03/30/2010

I think we all share a lot of the same feelings but of course yours are very personal to you and mine are very personal to me.

Having thoughts of death and dying doesn't necessarily mean we want to die. It just means we can't think of any better alternatives, but there are better alternatives.

If we have unsatisfactory relationships and negative feelings those are things that can be worked on and improved. That is if we want to.

Writing death letters and making videos can be cathartic on one level and downright freaky on another. Have you talked to your doc or therapist? Here's a site with some perspective: http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/

I think it's good to take a break sometimes and get some rest. That doesn't mean giving up. Giving up means we severely limit our options and that's not healthy.

deleted_user 03/30/2010

I think you feel like a lot of people on here at one time or another, not pathetic but in need of guidance and support. You have taken quite a few steps and that concerns me. Do you have a crisis team? Or a close friend or relative that you can call. Id you want to talk privately please email anytime.

SoleyUnrequited 03/30/2010

@ Tommymott I've seen that website before browsing around the internet a few months ago. It's interesting.Thanks.

@DorkieYorkie No crisis team really. Just got my long distance ex fiancee/ best friend who I call but it doesn't help if he's so far across state. I don't have many RL friends to begin with and I have trust issues so it's not likely I'd tell whatever is going on to just anyone.

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