Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
I am having a very difficult time emotionally today. I'm completely falling apart. Any support or advice today would really be appreciated.
I ripped up my boyfriends script for an increase in Prozac because his current dose has already caused a manic episode. He asked me for the script this morning. I went and pretended like I was going to get it. I didn't know what the hell to say when I went back out. I wanted to lie so he wouldn't freak but I just couldn't be dishonest with him, I never have been. I told him that I don't have it right now. He got all quiet and scary and said, "What do you mean you don't have it right now?" I just looked at him not knowing what to say. He left for work. He's supposed to go to therapy today but has said all week that he isn't going to go. If he does go I've already informed the therapist about what is going on. This means that one way or another if he goes to therapy he will either find out in therapy that I "told on him" or I will feel required to tell him anyway when he gets home. If he doesn't go to therapy today he will run out of pills before his next psychiatrist visit because I threw away his script.
This makes today feel like the day where I'm going to have to confess to something. I don't know how to manage it and to tell you the truth, since I'm the target of his delusions right now, he's gotten pretty mean and scary. I don't know how to get through this. I'm thinking about writing him a letter. In it I could explain that I did plan on telling him when he got home from therapy about all of this and that it's all been only because I want to keep him safe because I love him. I think I should write it down in case he doesn't believe me that I was truly already planning on telling him about it all. I feel like I've been lying and keeping secrets from him now because of all this and I can't stand it. I'm really worried that he's going to hate me and leave me. I'm also worried about what his reaction to all of this will be because of the state he's in right now, when he finds out. I can't not be here because I can't drive.
I'm worried that this is going to kill my relationship with him. I'm so incredibly depressed, stressed, and anxious this morning. My dad is supposed to be picking me up and helping my children get to an appointment for a physical this morning and I'm a crying mess right now. I don't know how to deal with all of this, I'm such an emotional wreck. I feel like I'm just out of control this morning. I feel like a big fat liar, and I've always been an honest person. I don't know where else to turn for a little comfort and maybe some advice. Thanks for listening guys. :-(
I ripped up my boyfriends script for an increase in Prozac because his current dose has already caused a manic episode. He asked me for the script this morning. I went and pretended like I was going to get it. I didn't know what the hell to say when I went back out. I wanted to lie so he wouldn't freak but I just couldn't be dishonest with him, I never have been. I told him that I don't have it right now. He got all quiet and scary and said, "What do you mean you don't have it right now?" I just looked at him not knowing what to say. He left for work. He's supposed to go to therapy today but has said all week that he isn't going to go. If he does go I've already informed the therapist about what is going on. This means that one way or another if he goes to therapy he will either find out in therapy that I "told on him" or I will feel required to tell him anyway when he gets home. If he doesn't go to therapy today he will run out of pills before his next psychiatrist visit because I threw away his script.
This makes today feel like the day where I'm going to have to confess to something. I don't know how to manage it and to tell you the truth, since I'm the target of his delusions right now, he's gotten pretty mean and scary. I don't know how to get through this. I'm thinking about writing him a letter. In it I could explain that I did plan on telling him when he got home from therapy about all of this and that it's all been only because I want to keep him safe because I love him. I think I should write it down in case he doesn't believe me that I was truly already planning on telling him about it all. I feel like I've been lying and keeping secrets from him now because of all this and I can't stand it. I'm really worried that he's going to hate me and leave me. I'm also worried about what his reaction to all of this will be because of the state he's in right now, when he finds out. I can't not be here because I can't drive.
I'm worried that this is going to kill my relationship with him. I'm so incredibly depressed, stressed, and anxious this morning. My dad is supposed to be picking me up and helping my children get to an appointment for a physical this morning and I'm a crying mess right now. I don't know how to deal with all of this, I'm such an emotional wreck. I feel like I'm just out of control this morning. I feel like a big fat liar, and I've always been an honest person. I don't know where else to turn for a little comfort and maybe some advice. Thanks for listening guys. :-(
I know that you are probably going to be very upset and hurt after everything is said and done today. I want to write this letter in advance so that you know that I was truly planning on telling you about all of this. I want you to know that nothing I have done has been with the intention of hurting your feelings or upsetting you In any way, it's only because I love you, I'm worried about you and your health, and I want to keep you safe. I have my own experiences with bipolar and I've researched it. I know that I'm not a doctor and can't know for sure if I'm right about what is going on, that's why I called them. They said to call and report it if there were any concerns and so when I became worried about you that's exactly what I did. I was afraid that if I told you about me having called them you wouldn't go to your appointment and I know that you need to. It's been killing me inside to not tell you about it right after I called them, I've discovered that I really can't stand not being up front with you because it's been eating away at me. Even if you think that I've been misguided in what I've done please remember that it's because I love you and I don't want to see anything bad happen to you. I hope that all of this doesn't cause you to want to break up with me. If it does I will be heartbroken, but because I love to so much your heath and happiness are more important to me than my own. I'm not a selfish person and I can't just stand by when I see something going on with you and not do something about it. I wish I could have told you sooner but I had no idea how you would react. I love you and I really hope we can get through this. It's been horrible having you ignore me for days, I'm miserable and lonely. I really miss your company. I miss talking. I miss cuddling. I miss the you that isn't angry with me. I love you so much and all of this has left me feeling broken inside. I feel like you just don't want anything to do with me anymore. In fact I'm crying my eyes out while writing this. I want this to work so badly, I hope that you do too.
Love always,
me