This isn't logical, it's pure emotion, stupid and painful...

Painful yes, stupid no.

If you don't release these "stupid" feelings they'll bottle up inside you and you'll explode at people eventually without meaning to.

So they are important to be gotten out of your system.

And nothing important is stupid, its just part of an emotional process of you relieving stress.

Now that youve listened to it,
I hope you don't think my thoughts sh_t,
Because bree you see,
I care about thee,
Enough to crap-ola remit

:-)

Emotions are emotions. Always valid ...the point is , what and how are you going to react to them.

You could apply for Medicare and start getting disability income ,but remember , you have to be on SSDI 2 years before you qualify for Medical Beni's.

There is another option...you can always apply for Medicade at any time .

Thanks Moobbus and Dancingd... This is an old issue for me, one I've never really come to terms with.

I just get so angry about the idea of being called disabled. It feels like a lie. My mother is disabled. She was paralyzed from the waist down five years ago, which is why I live with her. Every day since her accident I've watched her struggle to adjust. To place myself in the same category doesn't seem honest.

I've been stable for years, with one or two bad episodes, but nothing too serious. I don't FEEL disabled. I feel fine. But everyone keeps pushing me to get things like social security or medicare "just in case". I don't want to. It feels wrong, like I'm agreeing that I can't take care of myself when I can. It's a ridiculous feeling, but I can't shake it.

The whole insurance issue brought all of this screaming back. I screwed up there and I know it. I'll fix it one way or another because I know I have to. I'm just angry and tired of being bipolar...

This is some info that one of our members started re help with healthcare in different places.... I hope it helps you Bree
Big hug for you

http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Bipolar_Disorder/advice/8224882-advice-link-free-health/page-14

Bree your post got me thinking [and all this is just an opinion]

Intro

Freud defined cathexis as an investment of libido, pointing out for example how dream thoughts were cathected with different amounts of affect.[3] A cathexis or emotional charge might be positive or negative, leading some of his followers to speak as well of a cathexis of morbido.[4] Freud called a group of cathected ideas a complex.[5]

Retrieved from Wikipedia
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cathexis

So here is my slant then...
BP must therefore surely be an extremely broad set of complexes? Is it a disability to be ruled by the emotional self [when not medicated] instead of the intellectual/rational? [Thats how I think of BP at the moment, is that wrong too?] I know others have great understanding around here about these sorts of things. And I suspect it a broad issue with diverse aspects.

I guess what Im saying is I explored the issue and thats where Im at.
Understanding your perspective opened my eyes a little wider and thanks for that,
it makes me feel more human somehow :-)

Id be upset in your shoes too and most likely far less able to cope, of that Im sure
I dont have as determined a fire in my belly as the bree-minator ! (j/k)

Its OK to feel tired and fed up, as well as angry about the world in doses, I read it was the healthy choice when faced with negative emotional charge just the other day reading about REBT. So you need to get it out somehow and I have an idea!

The other thing I have learned recently that may benefit here is that its important to work out exactly why something bothers you, and you have done that. Clever!

It feels like a lie couldnt be plainer.

Thats your underlying belief, that you are not disabled. I am not asking whether or not its true or rational but whether or not its self-destructive to hold it. We know it leads to frustration and anger to the point of tasting the bile in your throat. Yes? [So its best to focus on other things for peace of mind reasons and maybe dispute this belief, accepting there are differing levels and types of disability simply even for insurance reasons its just a fact]

I had nothing better to do than to read and think about this interesting issue for me too [about the LABEL disability] and I can just picture you telling people and stamping your foot saying:

STOP labelling me!
then doing that turn your arm into a sword thing from terminator T1000 and letting them have it!
Heres a copy of the clip from the movie ;-) Maybe you can visualize it [a type of dream thought itself imo] next time you hear that distorted label you hate [at the actual moment] and get some sense of satisfaction. Thats my idea for you!

Check out with your therapist first though, maybe this sort of imagination use is bad!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3v5VDrC8ybA

I can relate to not wanting a label. Now, every time my son hears the words 'mental illness', he immediately thinks 'crazy', 'disabled' and 'scary'. We've had long talks about this and something isn't settling with him. His step-brother is 13 and on medication for ADHD and other behavioral issues. I think he looks on his brother and sees what he considers 'mental illness'. LABELS, LABELS, LABELS!!! They're making us ALL crazy. Please keep ranting and raving -- it keeps our spirits high!