Bereavement Support Group
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maybe this is not exactly the right board to post this but it is still a loss for us just the same. my dh and i have done fostercare for the past five years with the hopes of adopting a child since we have had such difficulty trying to have children of our own. for the past two years we have had a foster boy living with us. we have treated him like he was our own and wanted to adopt him. his mother had trouble with anger issues and neglect and finally the courts took her parental rights away and he was available for adoption and we thought we would be able to adopt him since none of his other family would be able to. then we found out that his family did not want us to adopt him and wanted a family that was far away to adopt him because they were afraid that his mother would try to kidnap him and they would never see him again. his case worker rather quickly found a family that wanted to adopt him and i tried to communicate with them how difficult it was going to be with him but they did not believe me and rather quickly our boy was taken from us on friday. we hope to see him again but i dont think that will happen due to the fact that when we requested this of the adoptive family all they did was roll their eyes. i cant believe this is happening after we have had him for two years. because of all the stress this loss has caused us we have decided to take the summer off from foster care. i feel bad about having to do this and i also feel guilty but my mind and body needs a bread. words cant describe how upset and angry i feel at the same time.
I think you should get your DH a really big something for Fathers day. That was a pretty hurtful thing to say and you need to make up for that. Doesn't matter that he's 'not a father' in the usual sense of the term, but he still deserves recognition for all his hard work.
I'm sorry you've been through so much but I'm sure it'll get better.
My husband and I did Foster Care for 10 years; we were placed with girls, 0-5 years old. We too hoped to adopt through the Foster Care system. We had a few chances but it was always some long lost relative that would take our dreams away. We raised a baby from 3 weeks to 1 year old - gave her back to her parents for another "try" - got her back and she was so emaciated - parent's rights were taken away - the grandmother took her away. It broke our hearts to lose our little girl. We lost another, that the case workers said we would definitely be able to adopt, a few years later. By then, we were accustomed to these losses. Taking the summer off is probably the best thing you can do. We had 14 girls that were our daughters, however short there stay was. Foster Care is so hard and you are wonderful people to love these children who have such terrible lives. peace, Shirley