Bereavement Support Group
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On June 17,2010 my mother will be gone 7 years.And when she died,I didnt feel shock at all.I was expecting it.We all were.My mother was a very difficult person to live with.Believe me.She was very opinioned just like Archie Bunker and all i can say is god help anyone who disagreed with her.This is the way people were from the Old Country.Opinionated.Everything was the home and husband.My mother raised me to learn to be alone and now at 62...i am grateful.But my mother died in a nursing home.You see,my mother turned to alcohol after the death of my father and she was in denial.She wouldnt go for help.She would start drinking at 11 o clock in the morning and be slushed at 5 0 clock.SHe would burn the food.She wouldnt feed the dog and she kept the house like a pig sty.Then my mother met a companion named Kevin(not his real name) on the bus to Atlantic City and this is where it started.She started to go go Atlantic City 3 or 4 times a week.I came home for a visit in 1996 and as usual,she was sassy.I noticed all of the bills on the table.She wasnt paying the bills.She let the insurance go and all she did was go to Vegas and Atlantic CIty.I believe that my mother was suffering uncontrollable grief.She couldnt deal with it.SO she drank.And everyone suffered in the house,including my older brother,my mother would scream at him all day and night.Frank was very,very unhapy and he didnt like the fact that I moved here.ANd mother would drive after drinking also.She has a stroke at the wheel and wound up in the nursing home.That nursing home cost her.It cost her life savings.And in the end we had to sell the house.My mother died absolutey penniless.My name is vader.I am her daughter and I am trying to figure out why she turned to alcohol.I am trying.I am wondering why I did wrong.But I will say this...my mother suffered.She was mentally ill and she never sought help and this is why I am having problems till this day.I am trying to understand it.I was told that I was bi polar 2.And I believe my mother passed it on to me.I will never have another relationship again and I want to know why when things go wrong...why do people drink? why do they turn to alcohol?
People who turn to drink are generally unhappy or depressed. The alcohol acts as an anaesthetic for the pain they suffer. they try to alleviate it and want to forget that they are feeling low. I don't think that they do it deliberatly. It happens gradually and before they know, they are addicted to alcohol.
It's not their fault and it isn't your fault either. It was a habit that got out of control.
Please try to accept this and just remember the good times you had with your mum rather than the bad times.
My sister was also an alcoholic and I know what you've been through. I've been there. Look at it as an illness.
Your mum and you suffered a lot. Try to be at peace now.