Bereavement Support Group

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Death & Dying
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why do i still feel this way

godisawesom
godisawesom
it has been a year and a half now and i still feel i am the blame that morning was the worst in may of 2008 i was in the room with him he was snoring when i left out a few minutes later my son heard really heavy breathing i went back in the room and i could not wake him the ambu came out and recusuciated him the docters asked what happen i told them they said that they got the heart beating again i was so happy they said they had to take him to i.c.u when he got there more tests were done the tests said he had a massive brain hemmorage i felt so stupid all those years with him the kids and all but no say so i had to contact next of kin which was his sister he was on the machine for 2 days before the docters said he was brain dead to this day i beleive if i would not have told his sister he possibly could have survived if he was not taken off the machine i wish i would have known more about life support i could have saved him i think i will always blame myself please help
MamasChild1
MamasChild1
My situation was not the same - but after losing two parents, I'm in the same place. Two years after Mama died, I still wonder how awful I didn't do particular things I KNOW she'd want on her last day. Thinking it breaks me as I type this. And for my Dad, who didn't live with us but for whom I took care of his needs towards the end, I wonder if I did the right things medically. Guilt on another level.

We're told that we may feel guilt after a loss. But NOBODY warns us about the time element. I'm being hit by a fast freight train of depression and heartbreak - now...two years later.

Please, don't expect a predictable time limit - and don't think you're off the clock feeling this way now. It's just hitting you - the grief - the shock - and no one but you is feeling the same pain, since you were there. It's easy for the rest to tell you to move on - but you have to move on at your own emotions' pace - there's no set schedule...Don't beat yourself up.
Scott46
Scott46
Its a terribly difficult decision to stop life support. But it sounds like they kept him on it until he was brain dead. And no amount of life support will bring him back after that. We all beat ourselves up about what we should/could/might have done. Most of the time it would have made no difference.

Have you spoken to anyne with some counseling experience, like a clergy, or therapist, or grief support group? I think you should talk this out with people experienced in bereavement. This will keep eating at you if you don't. God bless. Scott