Bereavement Support Group
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I am still in shock from Brads suicide.It has totally devasted me.But I must go on for myself and the cats and i am in the process of looking for a part time job.However....today she was just so cruel.Why do people have hoof and mouth disease? Why do people say things at the top of their heads and now my feelings are just so hurt.I have got a house to take care of,buying food,cooking for myself and the cats and laundry and stuff.And today i felt good.I met a friend of mine for coffee and we went to starbucks.She told me about how much money she lost on the stock market and I should have left there.Why do people discuss money with someone they dont know? I mean.why did she tell me? I dont know anything about the stock market.When i awoke this morning,a strange thing happen.I have got a little statue of Merlin on my bureau.Brad brought me this for Easter for all of my collectible and it is near the picture of Frank and Brad.All of a sudden...the statue began to move! It began to slide....then it stopped! I screamed when this happened...why is this happening now? Then I was told by the both of these people whom I have known since 1995...that Brad was nothing but a piece of ...............and I am better off without him! First of all....to say this shows they did not know that Brad was suffering with this depression.I tried to sober him up and he told me that he wanted to die like Nicholas Cage does in Leaving Las Vegas...Has anyone seen this picture? First of all,when
brad was clean and sober for five years.And he worked everyday.I still dont
know what has happened and I have been kicking myself where the sun dont
shine.What went wrong? Then the other one looked at me and said..."Did
Brad leave you any money?" And when the both of them said this...I left.I left
starbucks and the tears were streaming.Cant people see the pain that I am in
in? But please dont say...a person is better off..please I am still upset and my
cats the both of them are upset too...they have hairballs so I must clean the
carpets...Is a person really better off? I dont think so.This loneliness hasnt
ended and i still dont know what to do or say everyday.What do i do now?
brad was clean and sober for five years.And he worked everyday.I still dont
know what has happened and I have been kicking myself where the sun dont
shine.What went wrong? Then the other one looked at me and said..."Did
Brad leave you any money?" And when the both of them said this...I left.I left
starbucks and the tears were streaming.Cant people see the pain that I am in
in? But please dont say...a person is better off..please I am still upset and my
cats the both of them are upset too...they have hairballs so I must clean the
carpets...Is a person really better off? I dont think so.This loneliness hasnt
ended and i still dont know what to do or say everyday.What do i do now?
First of all, let me just say that people are just plain STUPID sometimes. Your 'friends' obviously don't have any social skills! Alot of people in our society don't know how to help people through the grieving process and tend to discount it. Good or bad, you cared for Brad and are in extreme pain from his death.
I firmly believe that the cats are picking up on your emotional turmoil. My cats always GAK up when I am upset. They are part of your family and I am glad that you are caring for them.
Hoping that each day will get better for you....
Love,
JK
For what it is worth, my cats are one of the key reasons I am still here.
I hope the best for you.