I hear you, my husband has been gone for just over a year and I still feel like I am at a stand still. I don't know what happens next. I go through each day doing what needs to be done, then I wonder what to do with all the empty time. Sometimes I cry, sometimes I crotchet. But I always miss the times when I could talk to someone, even if it was small talk. I think I am making progress, but I don't know what to compare it to. Over the years I collected a lot of unfinished projects, one of them being me. So I decided a couple of weeks ago, that I am going to take the time to finish one at a time, without quitting. I was always putting things off. Maybe it will help me focus. Clear the clutter and take away the endless emptyness. I am here if you need to vent. I am still very angry at my husband for leaving me alone. Sorry for your loss. I'll be here.

You asked what to do first, and when to start your life on your own.
Do what you can do, do what feels good to you. Do what you can cope with. When to start your life....it's already started. Take your time, don't pressure yourself, allow the tears to flow. Just really be good to yourself and don't worry about the expectations of others.
(((hugs))) Shelley

I am so very,very sorry.If I could give you any advice,it would be not to worry about what is correct, at what time.I am convinced that in grief, our bodies and minds have sustained damage that is worse than any physical illness.You will have days that the most you can do is brush your teeth,or make one phone call.Do whatever you need to do to find any amount of comfort.There will be plenty of time for making plans later on.You will not have the strength for a while.Your plans right now should be to just take care of yourself,sleep,eat,and rest.I know that it is hard for you to understand when your pain is so new and raw,but the day will come when you will feel ready,and will have the strength to face the future.Until then just be kind and gentle to yourself..............Cheryl

my name is vader.I am 63 years old and old enough to be your grandmother.I lost my Brad on 5/22/2009 and it has been a hell of 20 months.I dont know what else to tell you..but I will tell you this.It will get better in time and you must start to do things for yourself.I was always putting off appointments and not doing household chores.Now I do them everyday and i love cleaning thehouse now.Every man in seattle likes a clean house and i am getting it ready because it will be Valentines Day and I am planning a little dinner for a new friend.I have found out during this process who my friends are.One of them just doesnt speak tio me and the other is always travelling.People tend to avoid people who have had tragedy.They are overwhelmed what to do or say.How about I am sorry and leave it at that.How about cards and the life? Brad was in a lot of pain and he had a lot of problems.He was all i had and he knew it and I am so sorry that he is gone.Loss to everyone is a personal thing and everyones loss is different.But we must go on living and live the rest of our lives without them and it is so hard.I stil cry every day and noone sees me.Regardless of what has happened,I will always love and respect Brad.vader.I am sorry about your loss and e mail anytime I want to do how you are doing.

Dear Missing,
I am so sorry for your loss. In 3 days it will be 8 months since I lost my beloved husband of 30+ years. First thing to remember is that nothing is normal in this horrible journey. What's normal for one is not for another. It is probably too early now but when you feel the need for support (DS is a good place to start) you might check to see if there is a GriefShare group in your area. www.GriefShare.com. You can sign up there for comforting daily e-mails. (365 of them) This is a bible based group but can be of great comfort to anyone. It is a 13 week course. Or if you attend church they can point you to one. Also hospice. You don't have to have used their service & sessions are free. Today is a hard one for me. It is my husband's 78th birthday. I lost my mother one year & 2 weeks before I unexpectedly lost my husband. They had just given him around 5 years to live after a heart pump implant. Do not rush yourself & if at all possible put off any major decisions for 1 year. Please come back often. Val in Texas

Dear Missingt:
I'm sorry for your loss. Sometimes, those words - no oftentimes - those words just don't feel enough. Strohm said it best - loss and grief is beyond any physical illness. There's no cure.

I'm alone and lost my mother in 2007 - and I'm still grieving. She was my life. She was all I had. It took years for me to realize there's a "hole" in my life (can't put it better) - and it's irreparable. It doesn't go away - there's no real TIME element. As someone said, your new lifestart has already happened - painful as it may be. Everything will change daily - and without warning.

Join groups - sponsored by Churches (doesn't have to be yours); Hospice (loved one doesn't have to have been on hospice care); call your County or local hospital Social Services - for any and all support groups. Join many. They won't cure - but you can share with those travelling the same road - and it helps. Just don't put a time limit on it. Everyone is different - and the time doesn't follow the prescribed "mourning" period, so don't let anyone tell you to "get over it". Move at your own pace.

Bless your heart ~ I'm so sorry for your recent loss. It is so very painful, as I've gone thru it myself. I lost my dear husband almost 10 years ago and I still miss him. Although the pain isn't acute anymore, I think about him daily. He died after a very difficult battle with cancer ~ and not once did he complain.

When do you start a life on your own?? That's a difficult question. For the whole first year, I was in a "fog." I functioned, but I wasn't really "there." If it hadn't been for my daughter, I'm not sure what would have happened.

By the 2nd year, I'd come out of the "fog" and into the living. I wasn't quite sure what to do with myself. This was all new to me - so I wanted to start slowly. I began with going out to dinner with my daughter. We progressed with going out for the evening together to a private lodge. Since I don't drink, I didn't stay out long ~ but it gave me some time away from home. I felt very "uncomfortable" as my husband and I didn't frequent those kinds of places -- they're nice - but we didn't drink, so it was new to me.

Skip to the 4th year, and I visited an on-line dating site for older people. I was asked to meet a man at a public place - which I did. It wasn't a good "match" and I found that I was comparing him to my late husband. So i decided that this isn't going to work, and I'm just going to stay single with my memories. No one is going to come CLOSE to my dear hubby - so I'm content where I am - single.

I don't know how much this helped - probably not much. But take your time in whatever you do. Don't rush things. You must thoroughly grieve your loved one. If you don't the grief will manifest itself in some other way. God bless, and take care. Hugs, Lee

It is nice to hear everyone's stories and know that we are not alone in this journey. My husband passed suddenly at age 36 on Feb 3rd. He would have been 37 on the 25th. I am beside myself and would like to crawl in a hole and not come out, however I am 5 months pregnant with twins. I am trying hard for them to keep my strength up and to take care of myself.