I am going to a new case manager and I am on new medication and I am so grateful that I have found him because I am in a better state of mind.What does it mean when you meet people that you havent met in years and they find out that your brother or whatever has passed? What does it mean when they say.."I'll call you?" I want to know because she has never done so and she for some reason doesnt return my calls.I think that people are afraid of grieving people.Some people today dont know what to say..They think if you are left alone..things will get better..and they dont realize sometimes it can get worse.I really miss Frank and today I told my case manager...I told him this.."Please dont tell me that time heals all wounds..Please dont say this to me.This means that in time things will get better..but the person is still gone...and I told him dont tell me to get over it..what does this mean? Get over what? I am not an actress...But I told my case manager and I told my new doctor..even if he did give me new medication and I am doing all of this stuff.there is a hole in my heart that is really an ache.It can and wont be repaired..I will never see my father or brother again and I am experiencing something noone wants to talk about..I am experiencing a loneliness that doesnt seem to get better.And noone will ever think that I am going through this.I havent told anyone and this loneliness is increasing..and it has and never will end.but I must go on living and doing all of the things that I promised them and to honor them in every way possible and remember that the world is a sadder place without them..Since my father died..I really dont have anyone to talk to..Brad is very difficult so I go to this case manager and I am going to see him in two weeks ..but I must and will learn how to deal with this loneliness.Vader and the cats.Meow!
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