Bereavement Support Group

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Death & Dying
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what does it mean to "go on" vader

vader
vader
On the 22nd of August it will be 27 months that I lost my Brad.I lost my Brad to suicide it was a real two weeks of hell and I was the one who found his body.It was one of the most gruesome sights that I ever seen.I thought that I was in the rermake of Friday The 13th with that Jason and i still dont know what to do about it.My social worker has told me it will be two to three years for me to truly recover.I am now volunteering at the senior center and i try to plan my day.The doctors in Seattle have told me that I cant work no more and I am on disability.I am trying to be nice and i try to help the people that Brad helped.I have given away some of my clothes,books and food.I have given away money to the beggars.I have given away some dog food and I am trying to be a better person.The social worker told me about a book..It is Called Women who do too much and i am trying.But i have got 3 shrines to Brad and this has bothered some people.I cant get pass Brads death as of now and I always wind up crying.;He beat me and cheated on me and gave me hell but I just cant forget him.He also was hav ing an affair with that stripped up the street and i havent seen her.But people want me to date again and dating has proved to be a disaster.Everyone of the men whom I have dated wants to be taken care of.Some of these guys cant even do laundry and one doesnt know how to use the microwave.I cant be everything to everyone and I tried this for Brad.I tried to be a superwoman and I failed and what do i do now?
deleted_user
deleted_user
Vader, honey you need to take care of yourself. I know you miss Brad... but someone told me something once when I had a volitole relationship and could not figure out why I could not leave... Sometimes you love and sometimes we are addicted to a person. Even though this person clearly did not cherish you and respect you..you still loved him or had a draw maybe you were addicted to him....
Life takes crazy turns and there are no accidents in life.. Maybe this is your chance to start fresh...away from hurt, abuse, and someone using you...
Please take what I say as a honest view point and my only intent is to help you move on and have a better life.
You my dear deserve to be happy. Forget about helping everything in sight ...honey help yourself.. If you are looking for permission to be happy...you have it..focus on YOU.
May you be blessed with new hope and God Bless my dear.
duane
duane
Vader you need to start doing things for you! You are special and loving for others it is now your turn! I am glad that you are working at the senior's home and trying to help others. However you deserve happiness,and love. You need to shed some of that caring that you do for others to yourself.
Annwae
Annwae
I think the others are right - you need to be selfish right now. My son committed suicide a month ago and it was bad enough I don't know how I would cope if I had round him. Thankfully he went to a field and two walkers saw him and though it must have been traumatic not as traumatic as finding someone you love. YOu could not have done any more to be a good wife and he obviously had problems and knew it, as did my son. I try and think that this is what he wanted and he was a grown man and decided to take his life. He probably thought you would be better of without him.

YOu will need a lot of counselling but as well make sure you do nice things for yourself and be kind to yourself. It may be better to make new supportive women friends until you feel strong enough to be ready to meet a nice man who will be kind to you and treat you well which is what you deserve.

I have tried to accept that I cannot change what has happened but I do have a choice as to whether it destroys me or makes me more determined to love life.

I know my son would not want me to be sad for too long and I'm sure your man loved you but didn;t want you to suffer anymore.

My thoughts and prayers are with you
Anne
shur1
shur1
vader i am going to give you a heavy dose of tough love right now because i think that is what you need more than anything rather then sympathy why would you continue to love a man who beat you and cheated on you and caused you so much pain during your relationship do you not deserve to be loved and cherished? how can you see beatings and cheating an act of love? it is not an act of love you have been taught that to be disrespected and lied to and beat up is an act of love it is not, brad is no longer in this world he is gone please let go of him release yourself from the bondage that you are in do not live with him in your pain any longer why would you worship him by shrines you have created for him? let him go into the wind and move forward in your life release a balloon into the sky and let him go....................

sacrifice your pain and offer it up to god he will shower you with his tender mercy ....................