What does a person say after you tell them that your boyfriend committed suicide? Doesnt anyone see the silence at the end? Is it because the person on the end doesnt know what to say? And what do you say? Well,for one...please do me a favor...dont change the subject.You were not here when this happened and it was 4 months on 9/22/09 and my pain is still there.I want to talk about it.I want to hear what you will say.I dont want your sympathy....but how do I look in your eyes now? People believe that the person who committed suicide was depressed.In Brads case.....this wasnt so.Brad was on a drinking binge from May 8th until the 21st and he wouldnt stop.He was losing his strength to live.I found Brad on the kitchen floor...he had fainted.He was delirious and I tried to get him help.I tried.When Brad awoke and saw the Seattle Police there...he had a fit.He began to hit me and I mean hit and I had to protect my face.He hit me in the stomach and grabbed me by the hair.The cats were scared and i feared for their safety.I tried to sober Brad up.I made coffee.I made apple pie.I gave him detox tea and he went to the bathtub and sat in it.Brad told me that I would be better off without him.He told me to stay in the house and keep the cats together.He was really out of it.I was awoke with him for 4 days straight...trying to get him sober...just taking this verbal abuse and physical also.When I awoke....on 5/22/09...i heard the cats screaming.I didnt find Brad in his room,nor did i find him by his computer.I followed the trail of blood.I found Brads lifeless body on the grass of our home which we rent in the Greenwood section of seattle.He was nude and he was face down.I tried to turn him over.I knew.Brad has slashed his wrists.It was like a scene out of Friday the 13th...it was really hideous.Then i called the police again and they came over and they were here for 2 hours.Then the ME came and told me that Brad had expired.Brad died at 5 o clock.I realize now this what happened to me is not of God.I dont blame God for this.I blame myself because there are 8 signs of a person whose going to committ suicide and I couldnt get the help because Brad refused it.I spent 12 and half years with Brad and he left me with limited funds.The family had to sell his cars to pay for his burial and then they sold the motorcycle which the funds were given to me and this is what I have been living on.I have been paying all of the bills and ther rent also.I am angry that Brad left me before my 62nd birthday.My birthday is October 5....and it will be this Monday..but i have to learn to survive with out Brad and it is hard.Right now...I am so lonely....It is so hard to make friends in seattle because all of the people here drink..Brads death was caused by drugs and alcohol and I am sorry.I do not drink.I do not smoke and I do not take drugs and this is the reason why I have lasted the Woodstock generation.But when people see me and they ask about Brad...i tell them..........and when i told her...she was speechless.She just stood there..what does a person say? what does a person do? and how can a friend help me now? I want to know and again thanks for all of your help.Vader and the cats.
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