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My older brother is in a nursing home with dementia and ALS. His wife called me and said he does not have much time left at all. In a lucid moment he asked to speak to me, which I did over the phone. He can't talk much but I felt it was good for him to hear my voice. I don't have much money, but did scrape together enough for a plane ticket and will visit him this weekend - he lives across country. He is such a wonderful man, he lived his life as a giver, a doctor. Even having a successful practice he still insisted on working 1 day a week, his entire life, in a free clinic, just trying to give something to the human community. His family needed him but he had this need inside him to help. I think the greatest attribute about him, he has the best marriage of anyone I've ever known. His wife is outstanding person to him and to me, his children, all grown now, are well balanced, kind, just great people to know.
I don't know exactly what to say to him. I want to be friendly and show him a positive face, but I am usually emotional and can't hide my feelings. I've spoken with my other siblings and they are all in shock like me.
Can anyone relate to this? Can anyone advise what kinds of things to say and do during this time we have together? Lord help me, I don't know how to say goodbye.
I don't know exactly what to say to him. I want to be friendly and show him a positive face, but I am usually emotional and can't hide my feelings. I've spoken with my other siblings and they are all in shock like me.
Can anyone relate to this? Can anyone advise what kinds of things to say and do during this time we have together? Lord help me, I don't know how to say goodbye.
If anything, maybe your brother just needs a joke or two! And it's OK to shed tears in his presence; lets him know you love him. I cried buckets before making it up to my brother's room, but managed to choke back tears in his presence, because I thought that would stress him out. To this day, I think that was a mistake. He needed to see some tears flow from my eyes, mixed in with a sweet hug, gently stroking his hair...he needed to see how much I loved him. I think he knew, but he needed to see it.
My sister-in-law, my brother's ex-wife, now has cancer too, I love her also, and I haven't made the same mistake twice. When she was so frail in the hospital, recovering from her double-mastectomy, I let the tears flow in front of her, and hers and my relationship has become sweeter ever since.
So express that love!