Bereavement Support Group
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You can't take on all the blame...you left out that he was a convicted 6 times kidnapper , drug dealer, etc among other things and beat you.
Last week, you announced you were a lesbian.
Nothing bad about sexual choices...but I see signs of serious bipolarism with the mood swings and writings.
I hav already stated I do not honeslty believe half of what you write anymore...but I do believe you need immediate professional help.