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This is just getting harder

Dixie260
Dixie260
Three weeks ago I talked to my boyfriend, telling him I felt he needed space to process the death of his 23year old son, that occurred early in December. He and I hadn't seen eachother on a weekend in over a month, he was always busy with some project. I know it is to keep his mind off of his son. Even so the only time we were seeing each other was maybe once during the week for dinner out. I was trying so hard to just go with whatever he needed but feeling greatly left out of his life.

So I gave him his space, we "talk" by text once a week. Sometimes I get a text from him, sometimes I initiate it. No phone calls, and I haven't seen him in a month. I sent a text Wednesday morning, and he answered back right away, saying "I was just thinking about you as well babe". That meant the world to me but I'm missing the in person contact with him so much right now. And even just dinner would be enough.

I've been getting so much flack from friends, mostly coworkers for giving him space. They tell me I should send him cards, go to his house, force him to get out. I will lose him if I push him. I'm so discouraged. The last thing I would ever want to do is make this worse for him. I don't know how much time to give him, or to just wait.
Community LeaderThePepperMan
ThePepperMan
I guess you have to go by hunches and gut feelings. Keep track of what he says/texts. Is he escalating his interaction level with you? If so then that should be a good sign.

Only you really know what is going on between the two of you, well, you know and your friends do not. We only know what you tell us, and gut feelings are very hard to translate into words! You may have to tell your work friends that you have chosen a path to walk with him, and if they can't support your efforts then they need to hold their tongue and not comment.

It does sound like it is getting better.

Gentle hugs
Ladybug7
Ladybug7
My suggestion is to be present for him, but not push. While I think it's great that you're giving him space, it's also important that he not feel alone in his grief. A phone call or even dinner sound like good ideas, unless he has specifically told you he doesn't want either one. As Pepper accurately said, only you know the dynamics of your relationship. I think you'll be able to tell whether he appreciates you reaching out. Wishing you the best!
Dixie260
Dixie260
No, that's just it, our interaction by text messages hasn't increased. It's once a week at best. And its just a simple hello, or I will text to tell him I am thinking about him. We haven't talked by phone in three weeks. I'm afraid to call for fear that he doesn't answer or doesn't call back. He called me babe in the last text, but no indication that he wants to see me. I just don't know what to do anymore. Ladybug you can't be present for someone that isn't acting like he wants you there. When I was reaching out to do things with him, he always had some excuse, or something else to do. It hurts to be pushed away.
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