Hey everyone, I'm new to the site. Here's my story...

I'm an only child. My father quit speaking to me in January 2018. No matter how many times I reached out, he would never respond. June 6, 2019 he unexpectedly passed away. He was found dead next to his ATV. From everything I gathered after speaking to people, he was having health issues, so I chalked it up to possibly being a heart attack or stroke. Once I arrived to plan the funeral, my Uncle told me that the ATV was in the ON position. Still didn't think anything of it. My brother in law, an EMT, stated that had the shed it was running in ran out of oxygen, it would've automatically shut off. Still, no second guesses...

Wednesday, 13 weeks later, the cause of death was determined to be carbon monoxide poisoning. My father took his own life in that shed using his ATV. Everything started to make sense... he closed his bank account a few months before, maxed out his credit card, kept distance from people he typically spoke to.. I'm crushed. My father lost two siblings to suicide, and always told me that there was other ways to cope with pain. I just don't understand. I feel like I'm in a bad dream and can't wake up. I'm numb. I'm angry. I'm hurt. I feel like the grieving has started all over again after finding out the exact cause. To add insult to injury, my inlaws have made comments such as "everyone dies, it's the world we live in. at least he didn't go in pain. at least he's not suffering anymore."