Bereavement Support Group
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Someone told me recently that grief is a black emotion and it is .You see even tho Brad has been dead for 14 months on the 22nd of July,I am in very bad pain.All of my friends have abandoned me and noone calls or comes over.All i have are my cats and this house and i may lose it.Everyday i cry for Brad.I wonder what I did wrong.I am crying as of now and even tho I am in bad money times like we all are,I am not relocating back to New York.I cant afford to move.i dont have the money.I am 62.I am broke and noone can help me as of now.I had money last year because at Christmas time i always work for the Salvation Army.I am a bell ringer and i love it and it is hard work but money problems arose last December and I know it was my final Christmas.My parents and brother are dead.I dont have a house.My house I lost to the nursing home and someone else brought it.All I know is that is looks good.I dont know what to do now.I am looking for a cheaper place to live..but I dont have the money for the movers and I dont have the money for the down payment.For me,hope is gone.It ended 14 months ago.My nightmare began on 5/22/2009,when i found Brads body in the yard.Brad was dead when i found him and i held him in my arms.He had slit his wrists and the whole place was like the Nightmare on Elm Street.Brad left me with a lot of bills and I have no money to pay for them.I am broke and i am depressed and i cry everyday like I am doing now.I have got 2 cats and they are all I have.And now my cats are sick.Kramer hurt her leg and she walks with a
limp and i have to keep her quiet.I cant afford to take her to a vet.She has been in pain for one week.SHe is resting now and so is the little one.Brad told me that he wanted the cats together andso it will be.I gave my cats to foster care for a week.The foster care mother called the first night.Kramer and Tooey were acting up.Kramer and Tooey ruined a 30.00 pillow.They tore it apart.They also did not use the litter box and were doing it on this ladys carpet.She had 9 other cats and Kramer didnot like them.Kramer is not used to all of these cats and she is not used to sharing a bed.Tooey for some reason was screaming.She wouldnt stop.She meowed for two days and she wouldnt let this lady come near her.She would hiss at her.Tooey just didnt like the other cats either and she let this lady know it.She loves to go out side and sniff the flowers and now Tooey has got fleas.I picked up my cats on Friday and they are changed cats.Kramer and Tooey wont come near me and i thin k they were subject to abuse.Kramer hasnt eated in two days and the cat food that this lady gave me,I had to throw out.But when i put Kramer and Tooey down they ran into the house and hid.They do not like loud noises.They dont like cages.They do not like dogs and they do not like little children.These cats were not this way before.Brad trained them to accept people.Iget the paper everyday and i have a tendency to roll it up after i use it.Tooey was on my bed an d when she saw I rolled the paper up,she ran into Brads room.I thi nk that some one hit my cats.My cats are afraid of me and they have been hiding under Brads bed.Little Tooey ate 3 bowls of cats and ate like it was going out of style.She also drank 3 bowls of water and now she left me hold her for a second.Kramer is always jumping out of my arms.This is why I dont trust foster care.I dont like the people in it.Brads act was very selfish and now I am having health problems.And now my cats are in pain while I struggle with this health problems and these money problems.I dont know what to do anymore except this....I realize that in suicide that the pain never ends.I am in very bad pain and i wish it would go away.I have to make things right for my house and for my cats.But I will never hurt my cats and i wont allow anyone to touch them.My pain has never ended and I am at the end of my rope.
limp and i have to keep her quiet.I cant afford to take her to a vet.She has been in pain for one week.SHe is resting now and so is the little one.Brad told me that he wanted the cats together andso it will be.I gave my cats to foster care for a week.The foster care mother called the first night.Kramer and Tooey were acting up.Kramer and Tooey ruined a 30.00 pillow.They tore it apart.They also did not use the litter box and were doing it on this ladys carpet.She had 9 other cats and Kramer didnot like them.Kramer is not used to all of these cats and she is not used to sharing a bed.Tooey for some reason was screaming.She wouldnt stop.She meowed for two days and she wouldnt let this lady come near her.She would hiss at her.Tooey just didnt like the other cats either and she let this lady know it.She loves to go out side and sniff the flowers and now Tooey has got fleas.I picked up my cats on Friday and they are changed cats.Kramer and Tooey wont come near me and i thin k they were subject to abuse.Kramer hasnt eated in two days and the cat food that this lady gave me,I had to throw out.But when i put Kramer and Tooey down they ran into the house and hid.They do not like loud noises.They dont like cages.They do not like dogs and they do not like little children.These cats were not this way before.Brad trained them to accept people.Iget the paper everyday and i have a tendency to roll it up after i use it.Tooey was on my bed an d when she saw I rolled the paper up,she ran into Brads room.I thi nk that some one hit my cats.My cats are afraid of me and they have been hiding under Brads bed.Little Tooey ate 3 bowls of cats and ate like it was going out of style.She also drank 3 bowls of water and now she left me hold her for a second.Kramer is always jumping out of my arms.This is why I dont trust foster care.I dont like the people in it.Brads act was very selfish and now I am having health problems.And now my cats are in pain while I struggle with this health problems and these money problems.I dont know what to do anymore except this....I realize that in suicide that the pain never ends.I am in very bad pain and i wish it would go away.I have to make things right for my house and for my cats.But I will never hurt my cats and i wont allow anyone to touch them.My pain has never ended and I am at the end of my rope.
God Bless.
When you are in so much pain and in financial trouble it seems too big to handle. But it isn't. You have to take one day at a time. When I lost my job while grieving my sisters death = I just sat and cried for weeks. Then I took a look at it like a business project. I took a notebook and listed what I had to have to survive and what I could live without. I listed the best and worse cases. I had my must haves and created a plan. How can I afford food. I signed up for a lot of websites to get free and discounted products. I started ordering monthly food packages from Angle Food Ministries. You get enough food to feed 4 people for one week for $30.00. There are other packages as well. By buying my food through them I saved $500 per month on food. I did some bartering. You cut my grass saving me gas money and time and I will pick up your children and baby sit weekdays until you get home. I researched ways to cut the power bill - closed up the upstairs of the house and disconnected the a/c up there. Only washed clothes once a week and in cold water. I went to churches that had food pantries and I cleaned their offices in exchange for food. My point is - you have to make a plan. This is America and Americans can and do survive. Email me for more info if you want. Again, tell me where you live and I will research what is available in your area. You will make it. Brad hurt you and left you feeling alone and in a bad way - but he was ill. No one thinking clearly takes their life. Please hang in there and do not give up. Sorry to be so long winded but there are a lot of things you can do.
I don't know what to say except call social services and see if they can help.You may have to leavee some material items behind but that's for the best.
I am sorry Brad gave up and left you.
But he must have been in a lot of pain himself to do so.
I hope you find comfort someway..somehow..maybe through religion...seek it and I hope you find it.
May God bless you.