Bereavement Support Group
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It is very rare that I post in forums due to me being very shy. However, I figure I am having a very hard time with the loss of my Dad and know I need some help or advice. So, before I begin thank you for reading this.
I have experienced loss before, but none like this
My dad died March 22, 2013 after surviving a stroke that left him wheelchair bound and speechless for about a year and a half. He was my only family. His wife, my step mom, and her kids do not have anything to do with me. I could care less either way as they never made me feel welcome.
After my dads death I have gone through a lot of huge changes in my life. I saw peoples true colors and realized that my best friend, her hubby, and the now love of my life, G, are my true family. Still, I cannot help but cry and miss my dad. I feel terribly alone in this world and scared. I feel like I do not fit anywhere. I become angry at my dad for leaving me even though I know realistically he is better off where he is at because the life he had in that wheelchair as basically a vegetable was a life I knew he didnt want. I have very vivid dreams of the events leading up to his death- of him on life support etc. Its like I relive all of that over and over several times a week. My anxiety and panic attacks are back. I am sleep walking again.
I guess what I am asking ishow can I better cope / manage my grief? Any stress I have in my life instantly touches the grief button. I cannot seem to separate my emotions- or am I not suppose to?
To cope I keep a scrapbooking journal that I write in that are letters for him. I go for walks, listen to music, keep a gratitude journal, try to talk it out etc. There are days when I cannot get out of bed and others I do it because I realize I am not honoring his memory by living. So, how can I find a balance between this grief and living life? How can I stop being so scared and feeling so alone in this world?
Again thank you for your time.
I have experienced loss before, but none like this
My dad died March 22, 2013 after surviving a stroke that left him wheelchair bound and speechless for about a year and a half. He was my only family. His wife, my step mom, and her kids do not have anything to do with me. I could care less either way as they never made me feel welcome.
After my dads death I have gone through a lot of huge changes in my life. I saw peoples true colors and realized that my best friend, her hubby, and the now love of my life, G, are my true family. Still, I cannot help but cry and miss my dad. I feel terribly alone in this world and scared. I feel like I do not fit anywhere. I become angry at my dad for leaving me even though I know realistically he is better off where he is at because the life he had in that wheelchair as basically a vegetable was a life I knew he didnt want. I have very vivid dreams of the events leading up to his death- of him on life support etc. Its like I relive all of that over and over several times a week. My anxiety and panic attacks are back. I am sleep walking again.
I guess what I am asking ishow can I better cope / manage my grief? Any stress I have in my life instantly touches the grief button. I cannot seem to separate my emotions- or am I not suppose to?
To cope I keep a scrapbooking journal that I write in that are letters for him. I go for walks, listen to music, keep a gratitude journal, try to talk it out etc. There are days when I cannot get out of bed and others I do it because I realize I am not honoring his memory by living. So, how can I find a balance between this grief and living life? How can I stop being so scared and feeling so alone in this world?
Again thank you for your time.
I have lost people VERY close to me, but not the same level as you. My advice is to honour his memory, and live in your best interest. If he was still alive, he would want exactly that.
Be true to yourself, but never forget.
The occasional prayer helps me.... I honour my fallen soldiers in that exact way! Keep on keeping on, dont let those POWERFUL feelings of despair overcome your sweet, ambitious nature. I see my dearest loss, as my guardian angel.
Live on, as is he is still here. :-) He just, had to go away for a while.
Be true to yourself and live for you, nobody else will do it for you.