It has been 14 years since I lost my son.....he was 26.....and my only child.  It has been an ongoing journey, which I probably wouldn't have been able to face without my Faith.  He was a great kid, never gave us a worry.....but when he was in his early 20's he had a very bad break up....and a period of depression, which, as a mom, was very hard to watch him go through.....but he did....got back on his feet...gave his heart to Jesus.....and was looking forward to his future.  He worked in the family business, which I will forever be greatful that we spent almost evey day with him, had moved into his own apartment and met a long lost girlfriend that he connected with....she had a 1 year old son, and the future for them looked bright.  On April 25th/2003....we received a call from the police asking us to meet them at the apartment......my beautiful strong healthy son died in his sleep of a viral bacteria pneumonia....

If you see me at the store or meet on the street....I probably won't cry....I will ask how you are doing and as you share your family news...my heart is reminding me of all I have missed out on...but I can do this now.....because I'm stronger....

This is a common misconception about grief among those who have never lost a child.... there is no greater pain...when you lose your parents, they represent your Past...you have so many memories...when you lose your spouse....that is your Present....but when you lose a child ......that is your Future.

People think that if you can get THROUGH the first few weeks, months, birthdays, holidays...things will get better...well I'm here to tell you otherwise....regardless of who you lost....that just isn't true.

A better picture of how I'm continue on, is to think of it as weightlifting....starting with a 250lb. barbell raised over your head....no warning.....no training, just this weight that will knock you to your knees and threatens to crush the life out of you.  That is when friends and family come alongside and help life the weight.  Each day I get out of bed and lift that weight....over the years I have become strong and can balance the weight more evenly...there are still days when it's hard to even take a breathe....those days I pray for the stength to ge through.....I has been a journey I didn't choose....and even after 14 years there isn't a day go by that I don't think of him and wonder what he would be like now.  If I hear of someone who has lost a child, even if I don't know them,  I will send a card and a brief note....but I usually wait for about a month....because when everyone else has gone back to their NORMAL life if is often the case that the grieving, even tho they may think of them, are left to find their NEW NORMAL....thank you for reading my story...if I can help...please let me know...............