Bereavement Support Group
Are you grieving the loss of a loved one? Whether you lost someone recently or it's been years, grief and its accompanying emotions can be complicated to cope with. Join our online support group to connect with a supportive group of people who really know how you feel. Help is right here.
Saturday the 22nd of January was 20 months that I lost Brad.And it has been a brutual 20 months.I lost friends and I almost lost the house,but with the help of my neighbors I am keeping it.My councilosr recommended grieft therapy for me and i tried it.It failed for me and I will tell you why.The grief therapy was a group and some of them did not talk.One man lost his child in a tragic car accident which caused the break up of his marriage.The little girl was only 8.They were hit by a drunk driver and when I heard this i cried.The councilor tried to make the group more open,.But some of them were not talking.Then one lady spoke.She lost her husband of 32 years and it wasnt a happy marriage.They were separated and now she has to pay for all of the bills.She spoke how her beat her and how there isnt no money now and I tried to help her.I tried.Has anyone every noticed in these
groups that they favor the men?And it isnt fair,.The widows just dont listen to anyone who has gone thru the experience themselves.Then I shared the story of Brads suicide and i wish that I hadnt.One of the ladies said"Was he always crazy?" and this remark caused me to explode as the leader sat there and did not say anyone.Why do people assume when people take their lives that they are so called crazy? This remark isnt fair and at coffee break..I didnt bother to speak to her.My outburst must have hit a raw nerve.For one of the ladies left.She saw me later that day in the coffee shop and approached my table and i was reading the paper like I always do and I was alone.This lady told me that she did not know what to say to me.Her and others in the group have never dealt with suicide.They do not know how to comfort the survivors she told me.And so I told her this.You can comfort me by saying these two words."I am sorry." "I am sorry" are two very powerful words and dont tell me that you did not know Brad.I Know that you did not..but comfort is what us survivors are looking for.There is a terrible stigma about suicide.Noone wants to talk about it.Yet everyday in the media we hear about breast cancer and the all kinds of stories b y woman who have beat this deadly cancer.The media has to realize that suicide survivors need support.We also need non judgemental people and i dont want to hear that Brad is in hell.The so called born again Christians is Seattle have been horrible and they know it.I did not speak
to them anymore because they really are not my friends.Why do people have to believe that you have to believe what they do? I do not believe in half of this religion stuff and since I am an outcast from my faith...I dont want to see them or hear them.Christmas should be celebrated all year round.I believe in giving gifts for birthdays and such and I believe in celebration.I like to give balloons and such.I send out cards at least once a week.I call people who havent called me at all.And like my late brother Frank..I stay in touch.People do not stay in touch no more and they give excuses.Some of them here are idiots as they do not read the paper nor do they watch tv and I find my self explaining certain things to them because some of them do not want to be bothered.Well..this is 2011 and commuication is so much better then it was 50 years ago.As for some of these people.I rarely see them.If there is no communication how can they live? Are they telling me that their family is that important? No wonder why the work force is chatoic here all they are concerned about is the matters of the family.I am sorry I cannot be overly concerned as I just have one brother.The rest of my family is deceased and I still get tears when i talk about my father.To be told to "get over it" because it will be 24 years shows me that these people did not love their parents and will do anything for money.My father was a saint,.He died when I was 40 and he died one month after my birthday and the years that followed were absolute horror for me and my mother and brother because we could not get help.I saw my wonderful mother become a hopeless alcoholic and gambler.Even her health took a hit after my father died and I saw my beloved brother go to pot also.Two years after the death of my father,he was coming home from work.It was the Xmas season and a lot of people in 1989 had parties.Some of these parties in the city of New York were held after work.They were usually held on a Friday night after work because if you work for a bank in the city of New York..you do not work saturday.I worked in a office.Frank called me and told me that was picking up a pizza and the food and not to buy anything.My mother asked Frank to do so and frankly she did not like the holidays anymore.Frank was waiting for the light to change.Then it happened.Frank was hit and a few others.I dont know what happened.But my brother fainted at the wheel and he was uncouncious.Frank was pulled out of his car by a good guy and they have never come forward.There was blood everywhere.An arrest was made at the scene.He was hit by a man who are driving under the influence.Frank and a few others were taken to the hospital.The hospital called my other brother and Frank when he awoke told my other brother not to tell me or my mother because he was the man of the house now and he did not want us to worry.Frank was in the hospital for one week and was released on Christmas Eve.We did not know where he was and my mother was getting frantic.But the accident took a toll on his health.Frank had to go on disabliity.He could not work again.He developed diabetes and heart failure.He was a wonderful brother and i miss him.No one knows of the emotional pain that Brad has given me and I also shared about my late brothers death and accident.Yet in spite of all of my pain..I was told to get over it.I was told to take medication and to keep coming to the group.I am sorry this grief therapy hasnt worked for me and I hope that it will work for others.I will never forget my father.my brother and Brad.I still cry to this day.I cry at the fact that I will never see them again.As for me..I dont know if there is life beyond the grave.This life is the only life that I know.And I wish that I could be released from this pain,but it looks like I wont and I am accepting this.You have to accept certain things about life and I realize that there are people who are more smarter and richer then me.I also realize that some people can get jobs and and develop their potential but because of my mental illness I never had a good job and therefore I never developed my potential.I want everyone to know that i have had a good life because I saw people and did things.At 12 in 1959...I saw The Great One (the late Jackie Gleason) and it was in a musical play..."Take me Along" looking back the play wasnt taht good but it was my first play.My father took me and my mother for our birthdays combined.At that time...The HoneyMooners was the top on tv.We had a black and white tv then.The HoneyMooners captured a magic time which can not be repeated.It was different growing up then and these kids today will never know about the hard times mom and pop went thru.And it may interest you to know that in 1958........that the average pay for the city of New York was 62.50 a week and thats all my father made.That wasnt a lot of money and my father got another job.Hebecame a security guard and my mother worked she sold ice cream.I saw shows and i saw people who are now deceased.And i developed a sense of loyalty also.Drinking was done in my house and there was no screaming.My parents very rarely fought.My sainted brother knew about the money problems that they had ,you see my father was also paying for a mortgage.Frank went to work.He began to sell papers and later he got an ice cream truck.He was a good brothers.On July 18th,2004..my brother called me for the last time.I asked him how he was and he said "Vader,I wish that I could die.I am in so much pain and this isnt fair.Sis,I dont have a lot of time left..but please do me a favor.Please leave Brad.Cause if you stay..I see nothing but heartbreak.If anything happens to me.do me a favor.Please remember all of the happy times.Please remember the times we had with grandma and grandpa and the house.And always remember Christmas." I said"Frank...what will happen to me in case something happens to you." And my brother replie."VADER...if i die...YOU HAVE TO LEARN TO LIVE WITHOUT ME." Those were the last words that he spoke to me and I will never forget the,m,.but to be told to "get over it"shows the lack of love of this person.Parents get old and parents die.But I will never stop missing my father or my brother.Never.They were super people.My father taught me to read and the value of literature and books and I still read 2 books a week and I still go to the library.Get over what?As for Brad,I am very realistic.I know now that he abused me but this did not happen until 2006 and it went on for three years.I did not know that Brad was abusing meth.He kept it well hidden.I did not know any of his activites.He kept them hidden also.Brad would come home at 3 o clock and go into his room.He would close the door and I did not know what he was doing.All I know is that Brad did more for me then any other person in seattle.And Brad was by my side when i needed him and I helped pay for his rehab.He was very funny then and I failed to realize this.I failed to realize a great many things and for this I am kicking myself where the sun dont shine.And I failed to be there for him.I will always miss this very funny guy.He was a handome big lug and I will never forget him.Yet people who are in this therapy has got a tendency to judge others.I cannot judge others and we must stop this.Noone knows why certain people wind up together.Maybe it is part of chemistry and maybe it is because they were meant to be together and this is what grief should teach.As for leading your own life now...this statement is absurd.Whose life is it anyway? It is yours.Brad and I always had separate friends and interests.I am doing things now and it has given me more freedom.I go out everyday and the doctor told me that I cannot work noomore and I am trying not to get bored like my late mother was but in seattle there is a lot to do.My mother was never in music and books.I have never seen her read a magazine.Everything was the house and she taught me to cook and clean and for this i am grateful.So I am not returning to this person because this session depressed me and I have been going thru this since Brad died.Some of the people in therapy I feel sorry for.Some of them have very severe problems.And since I am in mourning for Brad...I have got nothing in common with them.I have got grief and that is all..but I dont have the money that they have and i cant afford to go on these trips.Frankly I dont care to go to Europe or these other foreign places.I am not interested in Tibet and i dont want to go Singapore.And I refuse to go on a cruise..I am not interested.I also dont want to go Florida or Myrtle Beach.Brad played golf and i hate golf.Golf to me is boring,.I would rather go to a library and look at the cds.I would rather go to a concert.Music has been my life since 1962 and i took vocal lessons from 1962 to 1973.I used to sing opera and I have never been to one.So I am going to sing again and this time it will be karoke.I am practicinf and i cant wait until the 25th of February when I will sing again.Thanks Brad and i love you.This is the end.
groups that they favor the men?And it isnt fair,.The widows just dont listen to anyone who has gone thru the experience themselves.Then I shared the story of Brads suicide and i wish that I hadnt.One of the ladies said"Was he always crazy?" and this remark caused me to explode as the leader sat there and did not say anyone.Why do people assume when people take their lives that they are so called crazy? This remark isnt fair and at coffee break..I didnt bother to speak to her.My outburst must have hit a raw nerve.For one of the ladies left.She saw me later that day in the coffee shop and approached my table and i was reading the paper like I always do and I was alone.This lady told me that she did not know what to say to me.Her and others in the group have never dealt with suicide.They do not know how to comfort the survivors she told me.And so I told her this.You can comfort me by saying these two words."I am sorry." "I am sorry" are two very powerful words and dont tell me that you did not know Brad.I Know that you did not..but comfort is what us survivors are looking for.There is a terrible stigma about suicide.Noone wants to talk about it.Yet everyday in the media we hear about breast cancer and the all kinds of stories b y woman who have beat this deadly cancer.The media has to realize that suicide survivors need support.We also need non judgemental people and i dont want to hear that Brad is in hell.The so called born again Christians is Seattle have been horrible and they know it.I did not speak
to them anymore because they really are not my friends.Why do people have to believe that you have to believe what they do? I do not believe in half of this religion stuff and since I am an outcast from my faith...I dont want to see them or hear them.Christmas should be celebrated all year round.I believe in giving gifts for birthdays and such and I believe in celebration.I like to give balloons and such.I send out cards at least once a week.I call people who havent called me at all.And like my late brother Frank..I stay in touch.People do not stay in touch no more and they give excuses.Some of them here are idiots as they do not read the paper nor do they watch tv and I find my self explaining certain things to them because some of them do not want to be bothered.Well..this is 2011 and commuication is so much better then it was 50 years ago.As for some of these people.I rarely see them.If there is no communication how can they live? Are they telling me that their family is that important? No wonder why the work force is chatoic here all they are concerned about is the matters of the family.I am sorry I cannot be overly concerned as I just have one brother.The rest of my family is deceased and I still get tears when i talk about my father.To be told to "get over it" because it will be 24 years shows me that these people did not love their parents and will do anything for money.My father was a saint,.He died when I was 40 and he died one month after my birthday and the years that followed were absolute horror for me and my mother and brother because we could not get help.I saw my wonderful mother become a hopeless alcoholic and gambler.Even her health took a hit after my father died and I saw my beloved brother go to pot also.Two years after the death of my father,he was coming home from work.It was the Xmas season and a lot of people in 1989 had parties.Some of these parties in the city of New York were held after work.They were usually held on a Friday night after work because if you work for a bank in the city of New York..you do not work saturday.I worked in a office.Frank called me and told me that was picking up a pizza and the food and not to buy anything.My mother asked Frank to do so and frankly she did not like the holidays anymore.Frank was waiting for the light to change.Then it happened.Frank was hit and a few others.I dont know what happened.But my brother fainted at the wheel and he was uncouncious.Frank was pulled out of his car by a good guy and they have never come forward.There was blood everywhere.An arrest was made at the scene.He was hit by a man who are driving under the influence.Frank and a few others were taken to the hospital.The hospital called my other brother and Frank when he awoke told my other brother not to tell me or my mother because he was the man of the house now and he did not want us to worry.Frank was in the hospital for one week and was released on Christmas Eve.We did not know where he was and my mother was getting frantic.But the accident took a toll on his health.Frank had to go on disabliity.He could not work again.He developed diabetes and heart failure.He was a wonderful brother and i miss him.No one knows of the emotional pain that Brad has given me and I also shared about my late brothers death and accident.Yet in spite of all of my pain..I was told to get over it.I was told to take medication and to keep coming to the group.I am sorry this grief therapy hasnt worked for me and I hope that it will work for others.I will never forget my father.my brother and Brad.I still cry to this day.I cry at the fact that I will never see them again.As for me..I dont know if there is life beyond the grave.This life is the only life that I know.And I wish that I could be released from this pain,but it looks like I wont and I am accepting this.You have to accept certain things about life and I realize that there are people who are more smarter and richer then me.I also realize that some people can get jobs and and develop their potential but because of my mental illness I never had a good job and therefore I never developed my potential.I want everyone to know that i have had a good life because I saw people and did things.At 12 in 1959...I saw The Great One (the late Jackie Gleason) and it was in a musical play..."Take me Along" looking back the play wasnt taht good but it was my first play.My father took me and my mother for our birthdays combined.At that time...The HoneyMooners was the top on tv.We had a black and white tv then.The HoneyMooners captured a magic time which can not be repeated.It was different growing up then and these kids today will never know about the hard times mom and pop went thru.And it may interest you to know that in 1958........that the average pay for the city of New York was 62.50 a week and thats all my father made.That wasnt a lot of money and my father got another job.Hebecame a security guard and my mother worked she sold ice cream.I saw shows and i saw people who are now deceased.And i developed a sense of loyalty also.Drinking was done in my house and there was no screaming.My parents very rarely fought.My sainted brother knew about the money problems that they had ,you see my father was also paying for a mortgage.Frank went to work.He began to sell papers and later he got an ice cream truck.He was a good brothers.On July 18th,2004..my brother called me for the last time.I asked him how he was and he said "Vader,I wish that I could die.I am in so much pain and this isnt fair.Sis,I dont have a lot of time left..but please do me a favor.Please leave Brad.Cause if you stay..I see nothing but heartbreak.If anything happens to me.do me a favor.Please remember all of the happy times.Please remember the times we had with grandma and grandpa and the house.And always remember Christmas." I said"Frank...what will happen to me in case something happens to you." And my brother replie."VADER...if i die...YOU HAVE TO LEARN TO LIVE WITHOUT ME." Those were the last words that he spoke to me and I will never forget the,m,.but to be told to "get over it"shows the lack of love of this person.Parents get old and parents die.But I will never stop missing my father or my brother.Never.They were super people.My father taught me to read and the value of literature and books and I still read 2 books a week and I still go to the library.Get over what?As for Brad,I am very realistic.I know now that he abused me but this did not happen until 2006 and it went on for three years.I did not know that Brad was abusing meth.He kept it well hidden.I did not know any of his activites.He kept them hidden also.Brad would come home at 3 o clock and go into his room.He would close the door and I did not know what he was doing.All I know is that Brad did more for me then any other person in seattle.And Brad was by my side when i needed him and I helped pay for his rehab.He was very funny then and I failed to realize this.I failed to realize a great many things and for this I am kicking myself where the sun dont shine.And I failed to be there for him.I will always miss this very funny guy.He was a handome big lug and I will never forget him.Yet people who are in this therapy has got a tendency to judge others.I cannot judge others and we must stop this.Noone knows why certain people wind up together.Maybe it is part of chemistry and maybe it is because they were meant to be together and this is what grief should teach.As for leading your own life now...this statement is absurd.Whose life is it anyway? It is yours.Brad and I always had separate friends and interests.I am doing things now and it has given me more freedom.I go out everyday and the doctor told me that I cannot work noomore and I am trying not to get bored like my late mother was but in seattle there is a lot to do.My mother was never in music and books.I have never seen her read a magazine.Everything was the house and she taught me to cook and clean and for this i am grateful.So I am not returning to this person because this session depressed me and I have been going thru this since Brad died.Some of the people in therapy I feel sorry for.Some of them have very severe problems.And since I am in mourning for Brad...I have got nothing in common with them.I have got grief and that is all..but I dont have the money that they have and i cant afford to go on these trips.Frankly I dont care to go to Europe or these other foreign places.I am not interested in Tibet and i dont want to go Singapore.And I refuse to go on a cruise..I am not interested.I also dont want to go Florida or Myrtle Beach.Brad played golf and i hate golf.Golf to me is boring,.I would rather go to a library and look at the cds.I would rather go to a concert.Music has been my life since 1962 and i took vocal lessons from 1962 to 1973.I used to sing opera and I have never been to one.So I am going to sing again and this time it will be karoke.I am practicinf and i cant wait until the 25th of February when I will sing again.Thanks Brad and i love you.This is the end.
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