On May 2nd,2013...I graduate from the cashiering class at Goodwill.It was a rough 6 weeks but being a cashier today is different and I am trying to look for a job.And I am trying not to cry in the mornings like I always do.I try to be cheerful.But let me tell you this....There is emotional pain coneccted with suicide and no matter what the person said or did....the pain can remain for years.I have been told to move on.And I am trying to...but the loneliness and the schism that I feel is just so unbearable.There is shame connected with suicde.There is also guilt and I am in all three.But I am in denial and it is hard for me to let go because Brad was good for many years and we did many things together./The Grief Groups have not helped me and neither has any of
of my so called friends.Some of them do not call me because they are so afraid of hearing the truth and the truth is when tragedy strikes like this....you are really alone and I feel alone and i still feel like a freak.But tonight I am singing at Karoake and i will sing Here Comes The Sun and I will try to smile and laugh.Here Comes the Sun was Brads favorite song and once I sing it I will feel better and I will try to learn to live again.We must learn to communicate and talk like we did in the 1980s.The e mails and supports groups here do not help.You need human contact and everyone has needs.I will say amen to this.Vader.