There is never a perfect thing to say. I've always thought that the standard "I am so sorry for your loss." Is as good as it gets. There are other things like "They are in a better place now." or "At least they are not suffering any more" may work, but in my experience they fail more often than they work.

I think gestures can be better than words. If you say things like "What can I do to help?" please be ready to do what they ask, or something close. Offering specific things, like taking them out to lunch and letting them vent with you, can work too.

How long ago did your friend pass?

Sometimes I think that people sense that their time has come, and they make peace with it and then go home to pass on their terms.

Gentle hugs

Vadar....you have been through this....so use your own experience on what you would like to hear or gestures you felt were or could have been helpful and go from there.
I have found that a gentle hug and "I am here for you"....and "I am sorry for your loss" to be the most helpful. However, I try to take it a step further and text them without expectation of them contacting me back.....at least right away. I try to send a text once or twice a week that goes something like....."Am thinking of you and want you to know you can call me any time."
This let's them know you care and also let's them off the hook to answer right away.
I also take meals to ppl......way after the funeral becuz through my own experience, I know how helpful and nice it is to know my friends are really there for me.
Today is my brother's 40th anniversary and it is nice that HIS friends still reach out to me.....even with their busy schedules and other obligations.....it feels good to know they care.

I am sorry for your friends passing. I wish you and all the others peace and good will....and much love.
Learning to live without them is a tough pill to swallow. There is no easy way to go on. Cherishing memories and honoring them is much better than mourning.....but that is just me.
My brothers death was sudden and it hurt like hell.....but I know for a fact that he would never want to be hooked up to machines and tubes running in and out of his body. We would never have a relationship becuz he wasn't able to communicate. He would never recover!!! So I am happy he is relieved of his suffering and no quality of life.....but sad I have had to learn to live differently. It took awhile and a lot of therapy to make peace with living differently. My brother would also want me to make the best life possible for myself. He would want me to find love and other people to love me. I know this becuz my brother was a selfless, loving person himself. I'm sure it broke his heart to see me so broken.....I now feel his permission to make my own way in life.

So when people say crazy things or avoid me.....I have true compassion that they are only human like me.
It seems there are no right ways to comfort anyone when a loss comes....sudden....or slowly. Perhaps it is our own discomfort and feeling of helplessness that makes our insensitive responses so.....awkward and senseless out of something so unknown.
It seems like no matter what we say or do.....it is awkward at best.

i want to thank you for your replies.It has been hectic.My friend just died in July of this year and it has been hard on the father.She was in her 20s and had cancer.I am trying to do what I can to help.And I think she made peace with it and was happy at her time of death.Thanks.

Like MsBlank1 said, I think that it's really good to just really let people know that you're there and thinking of them, and that they can talk to you whenever they need too. Just make sure they know you're around in case they need absolutely anything. Give small reminders like she said, like texting them. Ask them what you can do, if they need anything, etc.

Vader I am so sorry about your friend. You're one of the veterans in this group and really I can't tell you anything you don't already know. you've advised others here so many times. Like the others said just be there for them and be supportive. So many losses are so meaningless. Your friend might have made it of she had stayed in the hospital that night. So sad. I had a teacher years ago that had cancer as well as a case of pneumonia. They treated the pneumonia first but started him on chemo too soon and his weakened system could not take it.

For your friend's father, being there are willing to listen counts for a lot.
God bless.

I think that the best thing to say is "tell me about him (or her)" and then just listen.

Alternately just stand beside them.

That's what I wanted when my dad died anyway.