Bereavement Support Group
Are you grieving the loss of a loved one? Whether you lost someone recently or it's been years, grief and its accompanying emotions can be complicated to cope with. Join our online support group to connect with a supportive group of people who really know how you feel. Help is right here.
I am going to come across as being very nasty.But sometimes in grief a great deal of close friendships can be lost and it happened to me.One woman whom I will call Olive used to be my shopping buddy.We were close and had coffee once a week.But since the death of Brad Olive and the other girls do not call or come over anymore.Now I am not saying that Olive and the other girls did not have opinions,we did.But when she found out that Brad committed suicide,she and the others dropped out and so far i havent even gotten a card or a explanation from all of them.This shows that suicide carried a stigma.Suicide isnt talked about and in seattle I havent found one support group that really talks about or deals with it.The only thing that deals with it is my bi weekly meeting with my social worker.But what happened to friends forever? Doesnt that count anymore? What has happened to the meaning of friendship? Why do people judge others and what business is it of theirs how Brad died? They were not here.It was the most horrible day of my life.And everyday I relive it.I cant get passed it,no matter how hard I try.Dropping a person because their partner committs suicide is as bad being dropped because you have breast cancer.It is not my fault.And no matter how I tried and no matter what I did,i could not prevent Brad from killing himself.Brad made up his mind and Brad did not want to live anymore.He was a very troubled person and I do hope that where ever Brad is...he will find the peace that was denied to him in life.Vader and the cat.meow Kramer.
Your post doesn't come across as nasty at all. I understand completely! It hurts bad when people who proclaim love and friendship drop you with no explanation. I thoroughly agree with you...and yes the stigma surrounding suicide makes such deaths more painful for the loved ones. It is NOT your fault.
It is a painful reality of life...but we are all responsible for our own choices. :( There are people who face the most horrific experiences in their lives..and they come through smelling like the proverbial rose...full of love for others..rising above...and there are others who face lesser things but struggle to rise above th challenges and pain....who can blame them? It is a tragedy :( Not something to point fingers of blame to.
And who are we to judge? We all battle through the challenges in life...but yes it is just gut wrenching when someone opts out all together :( I am really sorry for your loss. This was your partner? That must have been tough to face? How are you getting through?
I lost a dear friend in a car accident several years back...it shattered me. I was part of a close knit youth group that she was part of too but I knew her closely since I was 9years old. i loved her. Her and her boyfriend and I used to hang out all the time and talk about the future etc We used to dream about changing the world.. :) But once she was taken so suddenly..my world shattered.
And honestly..I am not in touch with any friends from that group anymore. Many of them had to work through their own grief...I just silently withdrew and fell off the deep end. I remember bumping into a friend at university and she was like..."WOW! Where the hell have you been? I thought you fell off the face of the earth with Emma" (my friend who died) ...and I just started crying. I could not face it. That death changed my life and took me on a whole new journey. And my quest to find peace and comfort..it led me to new friends.To radically changing my life. But yes new Friends who comforted me...friends who understood...who didn't have the need to have the answers. These friends they became like family to me and will be life long friends!
All of this is a very long way of saying...many people ...they just don't have the resources to help you through times of despair and heartache. Many people are understandably afraid of death..I have a close friend in her 30's(same as me) and she has never lost anyone in her family or friends..never been to a funeral. And she simply cannot understand or fathom how it is. She does not know what to say to people and withdraws from embarrassment.
So....you know maybe your friends are grieving too...or maybe they are overwhelmed by the situation. I am not justifying them because it sure hurts huh :(.....I just pray you could find friends who can support you...be TRUE friends to you during this time and beyond. Have you considered joining a support group for family and friends of suicide victims?
Also..how about when you are ready..just reaching out to these friends individually not as a group? If you could take your best friend out for coffee it might clear the air? Maybe ...just maybe she does not know how to support you? You could test the waters and just say..I miss you a lot. I need your support...more than anything I just need a listening ear...not judgment..but just comfort...friendship. Can you be there for me?
It would take a hard hearted person to turn that down...but I know that is a big ask..because really you need friends right now who are asking YOU out to coffee and asking how they can help. It really depends how much these friendships mean to you as to what steps you should take...
Either way I pray new people would fill your life in the season ahead - good friends...life long friends...who can help you through..who can cry with you and laugh with you and travel some of life's journey with you...
Praying for comfort and wisdom for you for the road ahead....!
With love!
I seem to recall that you and I discussed you joining a grief group about a year ago. Did you ever go? You need to deal with these issues Vader. Brad treated you very badly and you need to find a way to close that chapter of your life. You have suffered more than enough because of him. Sorry if that sounds harsh.
I sure hope that nothing like this happens to any of them, because I won't be there for them. Is that sour grapes?? YES. But perhaps they'll learn what it feels like to be left alone.