Bereavement Support Group
Are you grieving the loss of a loved one? Whether you lost someone recently or it's been years, grief and its accompanying emotions can be complicated to cope with. Join our online support group to connect with a supportive group of people who really know how you feel. Help is right here.
My dad died 9 months ago and I constantly am sad which I know is normal. What i am struggling with now is that my mom cannot remember that he died and I don't know how to get her to understand even if she sees his grave or anything else that we try to prove to her she gets angry. She is not that old but it seems like she is getting an onset of dementia from my father's death. How can I help her with this? Without getting angry because she thinks he is not coming home? If anyone has experienced or has any suggestions please let me know i can use the help.
Dementia is the cruellest of diseases- there will probably be days when she remembers and u can both grieve together but on the days where she has forgotten rely on your friends to help you through. Sending hugs x
My sympathies to you. I do appreciate that you are a comfort to your mother.
Perhaps your mom will agree to visiting her primary care doctor or a grief therapist for an accurate evaluation? Do you imagine this as a good idea yourself, considering that you've given it a very good effort to convince her otherwise, yet it triggers her to anger, which is frustration to you, and understandable that you are at a puzzle as to what to do. What's encouraging is that there are many healthy ways to deal with the matter.
And, on the other hand, it's not so very surprising to find that she has a mind track of him returning, because she has lived by a commitment to him, in a loving relationship for a very long time. See it her way, to a degree, this is similar to the act of abandonment (though different as death) and way too difficult for her thoughts to bear, because she never expected that he would leave her by any fashion, so naturally she is opposed to the reality of death and anything involved therein will not easily slip in as a fact; her current feelings and thoughts call out to her as she sees things; it is a healing for her to think this way though, which is the sad part of her denial; yet at some point she has to face the facts and move forward in a peaceful way.
This is all treatable too. Though you may consider that it would be impossible for you to evaluate her behavior while in this state of confusion, without knowing more of her health care, which only a qualified and skilled person can tell you that she suffers from dementia. My idea is that you may help her best by persuading her to see her primary care doctor for now, and at which time this person is better qualified to determine how to proceed forth with her emotional or physical needs in a satisfying way to you, hopefully. It is difficult. I admire that you don't want to upset her.
You are in my thoughts,
Remiah
Yeah, the doctors will evaluate Mom and take very good care to direct her to a healthy way of acceptance. You will always stay as a comfort to her during all of this as well, which your love and sincere attention is really the best cure for her. I know this to be the truth. So blessed are each of you to have one another to lean on.
In a spiritual way, and I can only whisper this to you, because many find the spirit realm as so far away and too broad in nature to understand, but at times I've enjoyed the company of loved ones passed on in a remarkable way; it's very beautiful too, touching and extremely convincing so to speak. So, this is another good idea, if all else fails, invite your mom to seek the comfort of a strong, honest and "sane," pardon me, spiritualist. And by this way, the activity of her loving and sweet memories of your father will rearrange in an objective way of emotional comfort, creating peace with the transition of death, and the details of her thoughts may improve by stages, as she may believe in the afterlife in a positive screen of thought. It may help you to know that I believe that the door between life and the spiritual world is always nearby and ajar, giving all a sense of connection with our loved ones, Madeline. Our kindred spirits desire very much that we will remember them and live out our lives in waiting for the day to rejoin us. As I said, I whisper this idea to you, and do carefully mention this idea only to your mom after her following the doctors' exams.
God be with each of you and your sweet mom, dear Madeline.
Was there a service that she attended? This may be a key to getting her to accept it. Pictures from the service, a bulliten, any sort of physical evidence from such a service may help.
Who is telling her that he is alive? You may need to get help from other family members to form a "committee" to deal with these people. They may be like minded people who are not willing (or able) to accept his death.
When my mom went into dementia, it was a slow decent. At first it was easy to reorient her to reality; but as time passed it became harder and harder. I finally accepted her condition and opted to "visit" her reality. Luckily for me, it was typically memories of things long ago that did not happen, or she got things way mixed up in time order. (Like talking about how my daughter loved the cat I had when I was a kid.)
At some point you begin to deal with the mother you have, and remember the mother you used to have. Sadly they are the same physical person.
Keep posting here, don't be afraid to open up different posts about this as time passes and you get more information.
You are not alone.
Gentle hugs
Mom's sister just bombed out on patience, so it appears. She's stressed, too, and at the end the route the easiest way to take cover is for most family, and maybe even well-meaning friends, to get uptight, and then shell out ill prepared words or answers; likely she is already anxiety-ridden herself. Can't fault her for this, however perhaps placing a temporary boundary between your mom and her sister is a good idea for now, at the most until your mom has had enough time to settle in comfortably on the facts.
Best to each of you on this Wednesday. The doctors will identify what's up. As long as your mom cooperates with them things will improve over the good course of time. You mention Hospice, so I assume that Mom carried through with a lot of personal responsibility in Dad's care. Caregivers often need treatment for intense emotional problems after long-term help with a sick family member or loved one. The doctors will help her find adaptive ways to deal with the stress. And you have not mentioned that she has any problems with her social skills, just the problem with communicating with family so far. Probably just complicated bereavement issues, and this has much to do with concentrating, memory loss, not sleeping soundly through the night, anxiety and anger (symptoms are similar to that of depression). Be sure to take notes and be certain to provide accurate details of what your mom is thinking and how she behaves while speaking with her doctors, ask all of which you seem concerned with her behavior, and expect the doctors to follow up with all answers to your questions.
Best to you and much love to you as well! Thanks for sharing and keep in touch with posting the updates on your mom's condition.
There is always hope. Something different and great will happen soon. There are many other professionals in which to seek help for Mom. She is telling the truth though, that she sees your dad's spirit, many of those with kindred spirits of the other side tell the same story. I do not wink at this either. For how can anyone prove that she hasn't? Right? Yet, in her case, we must hope for a better report obtained through a complete mental health evaluation. We need her to be free of depression and those many other side effects which represent a serious problem to her emotional condition while grieving, all at present. Psychiatry, have you sought out this type of assessment? I shudder to ask you this, however, this is difficult yet very instrumental for self-assessment. Still you will need to attend sessions with her as you can; for important questions should follow this procedure and your mother is not yet capable of sufficiently answering all questions which apply to the treatment plan in which the doctor evaluates for her needs. I deem you as very helpful to her in this way. Though be relaxed as you lead her through this rigid process; otherwise, I will also become concerned for you. I hope for and pray for each of your family. And I am really very happy that there is nothing physically happening with your mother now, Madeline!
Please keep us informed. And thank you for sending the (((hug)))!