Big hug for you Jojo….. I am really sorry for your loss and the pain that you're in

Not believing in psychiatry or psychology is sort of denying what you know you're going through right now.... It's real the same as diabetes or heart disease is real

How do you know that a psychiatrist or psychologist hasn't felt grief? and doesn't understand a grieving process and it is a process

There are wonderful grief support groups that you could attend and may help you...... It does sound like you have experienced a psychological trauma

Our minds are very powerful.... The brain controls an awful lot.... You don't have to just let yourself suffer jojo…..

If you think there are things you aren't sure about perhaps check the science behind it …. Gentle hug

Again I am so very sorry for your loss..... xo

Thanks hun, there is more to that abt psychologist or psychiatrist than knowing grief I have seen both before because I was sexually abused and then again for my health when I went thru cancer it didn't help and I tried multiple diff drs I prefer to find solace in this kind of forum I have looked into grief groups but I haven't found one I feel comfortable with. I regularly meditate before bed as well.

Hi jojojo,

It's good that you are accepting your dad's passing as an act of mercy. He would want that you feel this situation is as a peaceful transition. Having a bf to express your deepest feelings, it will be necessary to do so, may help you manage the down and out moments, which it appears that your mother is at the point of sharing thoughts and feelings that push the two of you apart. I question her behavior; is she angry at something regarding her life or the memory of her marriage? It seems that your mom is triggered by some unpleasant incidents, and as she talks out her negative attitudes the picture in your heart of a loving father changes your mood drastically. I feel for you, and I'm very sorry that she is disagreeable at this time.

I know that you feel like your hands are tied and you have to be a caretaker for your mom; however, she wants that you try to live in the relationship according to what she believes is right, rather than in terms of how you feel for your dad. Clearly, you or both of you will resent living together unless you agree to disagree. There has to be respect and understanding, mutual acceptance to each other's feelings is very important for the sake of peace. Try to listen freely to her, yet dare not listen to complaints or continued encouragement to move faster than you are able to cope with the passing of one you loved so much. I just don't want that you should live with her in a guarded condition, especially while you are so vulnerable at this time.

Best to you! Love and hugs today.

Have you considered or tried journaling your thoughts, words, concerns and hopes/dreams to your father? Just because someone isn't here in spirit doesn't mean that we have to stop communicating with them, if needed, to help ease the transition into having them absent from our lives.
It can be very therapeutic to still get out all of the things we want to share with our loved ones and then it helps us to process and to move forward. The other thing that is similar to that is to write a letter, obviously, never sending it, but it's the same concept. Venting on paper. You can also do this with your mother, write her a letter and then never send it, it really helps you feel better and gets it out so it's not cooped up and causing us anxiety.
Just a thought. I hope and pray that you find relief and healing from the pain of losing your dad, it sounds like he was a wonderful man!

Hey Jojojo. First off, I'm very sorry for your loss. I have had two losses in the past year, my wife and my Dad. My wife suddenly and my Dad after years of cancer. I know you say you don't believe in psychologists or whatever, but they can help if you allow it. Please don't rule it out completely. For right now, you're in that acute grieving stage where things are tough to comprehend. When I lost my wife last year, I did a couple things. First, I exploded my grief onto my therapist. Every week I would sit there and cry and talk about how life wasn't worth living without her. For months and months I did that because I didn't really have close family that could handle what I was and still am feeling. Secondly, 8 days after she passed, I found DS and began spilling my heart out into journals. People I had never met responded so sincerely offering hugs and support and friendship and for that I am forever grateful for this place. Losing my Dad was so tough because he was always the one I turned to. So I get it. I don't really have any words that will make it better, but I'll send you a friend request and offer an ear if you need one.

Thanks guys I do have journals ☺ and am seeking grief counciling groups