Bereavement Support Group

Are you grieving the loss of a loved one? Whether you lost someone recently or it's been years, grief and its accompanying emotions can be complicated to cope with. Join our online support group to connect with a supportive group of people who really know how you feel. Help is right here.

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hollowheart 12/30/2015

I'm sorry but I needed to vent again, even if no one reads this, lol. I lost my only sibling almost 3 months ago, and it's still a daily struggle. I think a lot about wanting to do certain things but don't want to do them alone or without her so I end up doing nothing. It's still been a hard uphill battle.

Yesterday a friend that disappeared for almost all the 3 months emailed and asked how I was doing. I told her it's a daily struggle and my sister is still all I can think about. She just said 'It's hard but hang in there' and that was it. The End.

For some reason I just wished she had said nothing at all. That's it? "Hang in there?" Like I lost my favorite bike. I was actually expecting more questions about how I was coping, what I had been up to, an actual conversation, even if was by email. Why even bother?

I understand people usually don't know what to say, and I have forgiven some friends as I get they don't know what to do, but we've been friends for 10 years and she knew how close me and my sister were, she's even met her several times. So it was pretty disappointing and actually hurtful.

I'm letting it go now, but had to just get out some anger out first. You guys I've met here make me feel more comfortable and cared about than people I've known 10 years. A shame.

treedreamer1970 12/30/2015

You poor dear, that's tough. It feels like rejection or neglect or both. Yes, it's true that there are many people who don't know what to say. Some people are also still distracted by the holidays. It's also true that sometimes quality of friendship differs. You may find a friend tomorrow who you'll be closer to in ten days than you were with that friend in ten years. I don't have an answer to the 'why bother?' question- sorry. I, like you, am relieved to have a place where I'm comfortable talking uninhibited about grief.

ThePepperMan 12/30/2015

I am sorry your friend could not find good words to say to you.

I have a friend who said something like "I am sorry for your loss" after telling him my dad died. I replied with some sarcasm about 'what, you were responsible for it?'

I felt like crap, and it did not even make me feel good as I was saying it.

Sometimes we just have to smile and assume that they tried really hard to say something good to us, but they just couldn't do it.

Yes, we do wish our friends could read our mood and say the right things.

Continuing hugs.

vader 12/31/2015

my name is vader.I am 68 years old and old enough to be your grandmother.I am so sorry for your loss and I am so sorry that your friend has disappointed you...but sometimes people do not know what to say and the wrong words come out.When I lost Brad...I heard that he was in a better place...(how do they know) or I heard this...It is so much better this way....( I am sorry Brads death is not better) I am in a new neighborhood now and I pay low rent.I am rebuilding my life and when I encounter people who do not know that Brad had died...I tell them..it is better for me if they say nothing because sometimes the wrong words come out.I am sending you a hug.Vader...hugs.

morita 01/03/2016

Yes, it is so sad when friends of many years don't seem to rise up to the occasion, and let you talk about your loss. I am sorry this has happened to you, too. I have been widowed since Sept. 2015. It has been difficult when extended family didn't even say his name at holiday gatherings especially since these were the 'first' holidays. I did bring a candle to remember him at these gatherings. So, in a way, I feel I did bring his memory there. The Pepperman from this site reminded me that sometimes people just are not capable of helping us grieve and sometimes we have to look elsewhere for support. Hugs.

tangoballerina 01/03/2016

So sad for your loss and disappointments. Getting through the anger and grief is a challenge. It overwhelms us...and in my case isolated me from friends. In all honesty there was not ONE word anyone could have said or written that could make me feel better. What helped me is appreciating I was in their thoughts and/or prayers. No matter the advise or suggestions given, I still would have shut myself away from them. There is no correct remark that brings back the losses...and that is what we seek most. "How do we get them back!" No one on this plant knows the answer we desperately seek.

A suggestion. Visit with that friend. Go pass the email encounter and ask her if she could join you for coffee and good conversation. It could be that she's a good listener...but know chances are poor that she has the answer of what we all seek while we're in Grief.

hollowheart 01/03/2016

Thank you Tangoball. You are right in I wanted to isolate myself even more and not talk anyway. I don't expect people to upset their lives to help me, but with certain people I did expect a little more. Even a text every now and then to say I'm thinking of you.

I admit to being petty and feeling like I don't want to chase them down. Sure, she may think I don't want to be talk but she didn't ask. I know I was mostly upset and posted this because after 3 months I don't even get a paragraph of a conversation. Just "hang in there. Bye" made me feel worse.

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