Bereavement Support Group
Are you grieving the loss of a loved one? Whether you lost someone recently or it's been years, grief and its accompanying emotions can be complicated to cope with. Join our online support group to connect with a supportive group of people who really know how you feel. Help is right here.
I feel kind of frozen. husband died Sept. 2015. Coming out slowing from fog. While having family close for Thanksgiving, I still wanted to die from the pain. Better prepared for Christmas, focusing on God. NY Eve painful as I thought about the future w/o spouse of 36 years. I feel so scared and alone, even with family. Don't understand this grieving. Searching for purpose to continue and wanting to live. Adult son w/sole custody of 2 boys, ages 11 and 7 have been living with me for past 5 years. Husband was diagnosed at same time and battled cancer with numerous surgeries, chemo, procedures, etc. during these years. He never complained and kept positive to the very end. I am trying so hard, but I feel this intense ache, guilt and anger, disappointment in the few close friends and neighbors who haven't reached out. Even the hospice nurse who said she would check back a few times after Dan passed, never called.Decided to research grief support. Read a few books. Realized that I had to open up and share my story and grief. I know I need help to continue on. Started up counseling again and am going to a Griefshare group later this month. Also, found this site and have read many discussions that related to my experience. Even though I have tried to heal on my own. I now realize that I can not do it by myself. I've been just a shadow at home with the boys and I am trying harder to be in the present. Their mother abandoned them 5 years ago to live her own life. I know they need me. I know they alone should be my purpose for living. It is such a struggle. I hope from the bits and pieces I have shared that someone can relate somewhat and offer some advice. I am a tired grandma (both boys have adhd and special ed needs) and my soul is weary.
By all means, go for the grief group. It really helped me to reach out in the presence of people who understand, people who won't judge you for your feelings of helplessness.
Not everybody in our social circle knows how to reach out to those who have experienced a loss. Letting go of our anger at people like that can bring a relief. I've learned from my depression that not everybody is capable of offering support to the level that I need, so I have learned to not push those people into supporting me more than they are willing / capable of.
I'm not a big fan of talking about the stages of grief; I prefer to think of them as the emotions of grief that will come and go. Stages sort of makes me feel like once I have dealt with it I'm a failure if it comes back. Sometimes we deal with an emotion of grief just enough to start to function again. Then, later, something will trigger that same emotion, and I realize that I need to work some more to deal with it.
God never said that he would make our life perfect or easy. He did promise that he would be there for us. So as you reach out to friends and family (the ones who are able to help you) don't forget about God!
Gentle hugs
I don't have the daily reminder of an empty bed, but my dad spent the last year of his life (except for his final month) eating dinner with my wife and me. (My wife's mother lives with us, so for a while there we had 4 at the dinner table! Now he is not there, so that, in a way, is my daily reminder of my loss.
Ah yes, ADHD! Raised a daughter with ADHD. It was a wild ride, but I survived.
Your grand children alone should not be your sole purpose for living. In a perfect world we are our own purpose for living. When my depression gets too much, I reach out to other things as my reason for living. For a while it was the Harry Potter books, then the movies. Most recently it was my father. At some point I will get a grasp on things and I will be my main purpose for living. Until we get there (living for us) we can focus on other things.
Continuing hugs
I am not saying you resent your grandchildren, but I know in my early days of loss I had several people tell me to be strong and live and be there for my Ma, which eventually made me very angry. It was like I didn't matter or exist, I was just there to hold her up. You can't live just hold up other people, especially in the middle of grief. You are in the middle of pain and grief too, you can all do it together, but you need some space too.
I know it's easier said than done, but I hope you can find that. Maybe the grief counselor can be that space, that time where you can focus on you and your loss.