Bereavement Support Group

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Death & Dying
/ Bereavement Support Group

Not sure what will happen now

poorlygir4l
poorlygir4l
Im sure you know from experience about bereavement. I just want some support and suggestions. Three years ago my friend Jane died of cancer. There are a group of us who meet up for a coffee and chat. We have all been friends for years really. My friend Tracey started bringing her dad after her mum died. Recently,last week her dad died after a long battle with cancer. My friend lives in the next town up from me. I haven't seen her for a few weeks. We text and she told me about the funeral. Im ill with my stomach and am in a lot of pain frequently. Im finding it hard to cope. I don't know how my friend is coping and I can't support her. When I went up just before he died with xmas cards she didn't answer the door. I know we are all going to miss her dad. We have known him years. How can we all support her while coping ourselves? It just doesn't seem fair that two close friends have gone now. On top of this another friend has had treatment for breast cancer. She too seems to keep out of the way. I don't even know how she is now. I find it so depressing. Also another friend has an op coming up and I may need one on my stomach. How do we cope really? Is time a healer like they say? Just pray for us if you believe. I can give my advice and thoughts,prayers too back. I supose we have to hold on.
beatrice99
beatrice99
First of all, I'm sorry for your losses and you being ill, and unable to be there with your friend. I think your friend understands your reason for not physically being there and at least ya'll communicate...next best thing to being there? I hate to be the bearer of bad news but unfortunately, there is no magic pill or potion, that will make everything bad disappear, nor is there an instant cure for our grieving hearts. We just have to more or less, learn to deal with the hands we are given, and let God bear the weight of the things we cannot handle alone. He is the one that will be there with us through it all. Time may ease our pain but from my own experience, and in my opinion, the pain will never truly vanish. We should feel fortunate for what we have, including the fond memories of the ones that are now in their new home with the Lord. I'm sure their home is more peaceful than ours. I hope we will all reunite with them one day. Until then, do what you can, when you can. That's all any of us can do. Take care. An army of one is soon defeated but if we stick together, our "battles" will lead us to victory!
deleted_user
deleted_user
All you can do is reach out with a phone call or even an email or a real card in the mail. Let your friends know you care and are there for them if they need to talk. Re: your stomach, have you seen a gastroenterologist? Have you had a CT scan or a colonoscopy? I hope you feel better soon.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I'm sorry too for your losses and illnesses! So much weight on your shoulders! A close friend of mine called me today. We've known each other since we were kids, although we don't live even in the same state now. Anyway he called. He had called as soon as he found out about Gerry. Today he said he wanted to call sooner but didn't know what to say. The answer is just to say you're sorry and that you care - even love - your friends. Call with a wonderful memory that you wanted to bring up. True friends understand that you are also sick and coping yourself.
Peri
Peri
Time as a healer... hmmm.

Time doesn't heal crap. Love&hope does. Its just that usually we require time to find love&hope. It's there, we've just temporarily misplaced it through our doubts and fears.

You sound like a great friend. Who wouldn't want someone to worry about them? I wouldn't fret about not being the posterchild of happiness and strength for your friends in order to help them. Sometimes crying right along with them shows them they're not alone, and it helps you, too. Let's face it, Superman has left the building and there's nobody left except us mere mortals.

My best friend ditched me through my tragedy. I don't think she knew what to do with me. I tried to tell her that she didn't need to do anything special, just don't leave.

Maybe you guys just need to have a "Puffs" party. Get together and bawl it out. Show up at their houses with a box and tell them you aint leaving until its empty. If one box isn't enough for all the tears, buy stock in the company. If it hurts, it hurts, you know? It's okay if you don't find some magic solution to make it all go away.

You guys are friends. Which means you're stronger together than apart. You don't have to figure it out alone. Use each other.
beatrice99
beatrice99
Peris' advice, concerning the friends issue may work for some but, in my case, I tried everything in my power to get my "former friend" back in my life, to no avail. I have called, left messages, ridden by her house, etc. I'm not even sure she lives there anymore. For the first time in yrs., not even a call for my birthday. After receiving a Christmas card, with no message at all, I decided it was time to move on. So, I sent a note back informing her not to waste her time, or ink on me anymore. We are not children and I know of nothing I did wrong to her. I miss her but, I have new friends and will be okay. So poorly, I hope your friendship endures, and it will if it is a true friendship. Don't mean to be smart, or disagree but, there is always "two sides to every story". Hope the new year will be better for us all!