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This has been the worst year ever. Long story short, three things happened. I lost my grandson to divorce a year ago. As a teacher, I was assaulted at school by a student because our local administration pretty much puts up with everything. Three days later, my mother coded in the doctor's office. She will be 93. While I completely understand that she has lived a wonderful life, she is still my mother and it is painful to watch her die. She is in a nursing home with Hospice Care. I go every day.
My siblings live out of town and I took the FMLA to stay with her. Ironically, it kept me away from the boy that assaulted me because HE is BACK AT SCHOOL! My friends and family don't answer my calls or texts. It is as though I have a catching phone disease. Even my siblings don't call that much and ask about our mother. One day I think I am going to call and say she has passed. I am really starting to resent the lack of compassion in those around me. It is going to be somewhat hard to forgive going forward.
I think I would be stronger if these three things had not happened together, but they did and any of them would require time to process.
I need advise on how to tell people in a nice way that I need help with my mother.
There is nothing I can do about my grandson. If school doesn't get better, I have a lawyer. I don't know how to handle all this hands-on responsibility and ask my family for help. My siblings have gone on vacation for a week each. I completely understand the need to get away, but I need to discuss this with them. Could it be guilt or denial?
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
My siblings live out of town and I took the FMLA to stay with her. Ironically, it kept me away from the boy that assaulted me because HE is BACK AT SCHOOL! My friends and family don't answer my calls or texts. It is as though I have a catching phone disease. Even my siblings don't call that much and ask about our mother. One day I think I am going to call and say she has passed. I am really starting to resent the lack of compassion in those around me. It is going to be somewhat hard to forgive going forward.
I think I would be stronger if these three things had not happened together, but they did and any of them would require time to process.
I need advise on how to tell people in a nice way that I need help with my mother.
There is nothing I can do about my grandson. If school doesn't get better, I have a lawyer. I don't know how to handle all this hands-on responsibility and ask my family for help. My siblings have gone on vacation for a week each. I completely understand the need to get away, but I need to discuss this with them. Could it be guilt or denial?
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Your story sounds very similar to mine. There is 6 of us in our family. I- being the youngest of them all. Not one rings me to see how I am doing since my fathers passing. They all mingle with each other, bar me. Maybe because I am younger, or live in another country. I am not so sure, sut still a phone call doesn't hurt.
Before my dad passed away, they got on very like your siblings. "Busy with their own lives" and not once offered a helping hand or anything.
So, I wrote them all a letter. I told them I needed help and I told them that my dad misses them, is feeling lonely and wants to talk to them.
That somehow worked 2nd time around, but only for a while. Now my dad is dead, I never hear from them. It is very sad, considering we're a big family.
There is far too much on your shoulders and I would strongly advise you to put your foot down. Your mother is still your mother. She cared for all of them when they were small, lost her sleep because of it. Helped them to talk, to walk, to eat, when they were sick she was there to meand them well again.
So it is there responsibilty to help you out with their mother. It goes without asking and I am so sorry that you have to ask your siblings for help.
I did ask nicely to my siblings and because I was nice, they just brushed me off. The 2nd time around, I wasn't so nice and that's when they started to help.
Remind them their roles. You're a human being too, not a robot and yes, I think it's a bit of both.
Guilt and denial.
Send them this song "A mother loves a blessing" maybe that might get them to do something.
Consider THIS place, the people HERE, as your family!
Mama had a good life, a life of good purpose, and I am proud of her for it. She raised good kids, but now I am even questioning that after seeing how they are responding, or not responding.