Bereavement Support Group
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Hello I am hoping this helps more move on. I had to bury both my parents and my motherin law within 2 years. When my mother died it was sudden no warning. I then had To quickly move into the home where I grew up my patents home. Were I seen them both dead. Cause I now take care of my gma who is 90, and has dementia. I've gotten into this phase where I don't care about much. I quit my job after12 1/2 years. I'm constantly in a foul mood, which them cause my and my husband to argue.and that's killing me too. Just not sure how to move on and get the happy me back.
It is not surprising you are always in a foul mood. Life has not been fair to you and you have had many responsibilities dumped in your lap. Is there any sort of hospice or anything that can help your gma? Insurance or doctors that can refer you to something that can help?
She's not just old she has dementia and that is a whole other problem. The sad thing, regular people like children and siblings step into the care taker role and are unable and unequipped to deal with family with these problems. You need patience and understanding and we just don't have it when we are grieving/stressed ourselves. You had to quit your job, something you probably didn't want to do. This is a lot.
Try to make sure you take time to enjoy yourself. Don't feel guilty about it. The only way to get the happy you back is to take a break and start to do things you liked to do. You are feeling trapped and that makes you angry. Try to look into getting a nurse or home health care a couple of days a week.
After helping with the care of my dad for 8 1/2 years, who had Alzheimers and non-hodgkins lymphoma, I understand that it isn't possible to take part in activities that you enjoy. You're certainly in the midst of a difficult time with much upheaval and may not even have time to react, let alone process all of it. I pray that life will settle down enough for you to begin to heal.
I tell anyone experiencing grief and loss the same that was told to me often: Remember above all to be kind to yourself.
Best decision ever made, for all of us, but , most importantly, for our mother.
I was so worried that all of the changes would harm her or freak her out, but she took to the place and people like a duck to water. She loved the food, and being around others her own age (for the most part) and even tho' one couldnt' really hold conversations with her towards the end, her eyes were happy.
She was visited by family members often, as well as many girl scouts and people who brought therapy animals, etc.
I really think that if caretaking someone is bringing someone elses live down so , as you describe in your situation, looking at more professional solutions can be of benefit to all involved.
Then you could go somewhere with your hubby, and share the good vibes with a visit to your Gran! Win-win.
GL, & hope you start to feel better. You've been dealt a harsh hand. Glad you reached out to others. :)