Bereavement Support Group
Are you grieving the loss of a loved one? Whether you lost someone recently or it's been years, grief and its accompanying emotions can be complicated to cope with. Join our online support group to connect with a supportive group of people who really know how you feel. Help is right here.
Hello,
This is my first time posting to a site like this, and I am a bit nervous. Please forgive any typos. I am hoping your group can help me and maybe I can help others. I hope this is not too long.
I lost both my parents, four days apart, at the end of January 2013. They both got the flu and could not fight it off. My siblings and I were all there holding their hands. They had been married over sixty years. My Dad had myeloma, and my Mom dementia but she still enjoyed life and knew us etc.
It was a very long month of January full of worry, stress, and grief.
In my heart I know it was right for them. They sort of slipped away together. But I am struggling with my motivation and enjoyment of life. I can't seem to get going. I don't want to do anything, even things like cooking which I used to enjoy. I go to work but really I feel I am just going through the motions.
The year or two before my parents died they were declining and we were all struggling with that. My Dad was hospitalized for six weeks the previous summer and we had to look after Mom, which meant travelling as they lived in another city. Dad could not go home so we moved both of them to assisted living. Suffice it to say, it was a huge worry for a long time. We had tried to get them to accept help, but they always refused and we respected that. My Dad hated the assisted living. He was so intelligent and fiercely independent, he just could not relinquish any control.
I was lucky to have such wonderful parents and that they lived into their 80s, but it still hurts.
My husband, who has been a wonderful help, told me today I am pushing him away as I am not living life for the living. He was mad at me because he was looking at pictures of our family (including our grandkids) on the computer and I was not very interested. He said I should remember the happy times and good memories. My reaction is why, the ones with my parents are all gone.
I know this sounds silly, but I guess I want to know if this is normal, or am I somehow stuck? I want to feel better but as December came around, I started remembering the nightmare last January and feeling more down. I am hoping that once the anniversary of Mom and Dad's deaths passes, I will feel better.
Thanks so much for listening. I keep remembering how I felt last December, when I knew they were declining and I was being phoned constantly by the facility with news such as your Dad fell in the night etc. I would lie awake at night staring out the window worrying about them and feeling helpless to help them.
Tekla
This is my first time posting to a site like this, and I am a bit nervous. Please forgive any typos. I am hoping your group can help me and maybe I can help others. I hope this is not too long.
I lost both my parents, four days apart, at the end of January 2013. They both got the flu and could not fight it off. My siblings and I were all there holding their hands. They had been married over sixty years. My Dad had myeloma, and my Mom dementia but she still enjoyed life and knew us etc.
It was a very long month of January full of worry, stress, and grief.
In my heart I know it was right for them. They sort of slipped away together. But I am struggling with my motivation and enjoyment of life. I can't seem to get going. I don't want to do anything, even things like cooking which I used to enjoy. I go to work but really I feel I am just going through the motions.
The year or two before my parents died they were declining and we were all struggling with that. My Dad was hospitalized for six weeks the previous summer and we had to look after Mom, which meant travelling as they lived in another city. Dad could not go home so we moved both of them to assisted living. Suffice it to say, it was a huge worry for a long time. We had tried to get them to accept help, but they always refused and we respected that. My Dad hated the assisted living. He was so intelligent and fiercely independent, he just could not relinquish any control.
I was lucky to have such wonderful parents and that they lived into their 80s, but it still hurts.
My husband, who has been a wonderful help, told me today I am pushing him away as I am not living life for the living. He was mad at me because he was looking at pictures of our family (including our grandkids) on the computer and I was not very interested. He said I should remember the happy times and good memories. My reaction is why, the ones with my parents are all gone.
I know this sounds silly, but I guess I want to know if this is normal, or am I somehow stuck? I want to feel better but as December came around, I started remembering the nightmare last January and feeling more down. I am hoping that once the anniversary of Mom and Dad's deaths passes, I will feel better.
Thanks so much for listening. I keep remembering how I felt last December, when I knew they were declining and I was being phoned constantly by the facility with news such as your Dad fell in the night etc. I would lie awake at night staring out the window worrying about them and feeling helpless to help them.
Tekla
So very sorry for the loss of your parents...it is life altering to lose a parent...losing two parents as you did - I can't imagine...
Please give yourself time...there is no timeline in grief...no matter how much my immediate family & friends love me those who had not been through the losses I have (6 in 6 years) did not understand the ramifications for me...
In 1997 when I was 6 weeks married husband loss his sister (sudden death)...I can say that I truly didn't get all that he went through until I lost my brother...
You are doing a great job...... glad you are here...
I want to thank you both very much for responding. It means a lot to me that someone was listening. I hope 2014 brings us all peace and new joy, despite the losses.
Tekla
I too cannot imagine how difficult it must be for you to lose both parents so close to each other. I still struggle with my dad's sudden passing three years ago, and I only lost him!
Regarding your situation - I think it is only natural for things to be tougher than normal as the first anniversary approaches, especially when it is compounded by the holidays, when grief seems to be felt so much deeper than the rest of the year. It isn't that you can't appreciate your grandchildren - it's that your worldview changed when you lost your parents, and sometimes it's hard to work through those feelings while everyone around you seems to be going about their lives as if nothing happened. I hope that your friends and family understand that grieving is a long process with peaks, valleys, and plateaus, so you are bound to have periods where it is harder to be joyful because you miss your parents.
Hang in there!
Gosh your parents only died such a short time ago and losing them bith together must have been very traumatic.
Its normal not to want to look at pictures of your Mum and Dad. The pain is so raw it is sometimes easier not to look at reminders.
I know your husband must want you to be happy again because he is also suffering but he needs to give you time. The time to adjust to life as it now is. Maybe you can explain to him that you want to feel better but you arent better yet.
This will be a good place for you to share your grief and people on here will try and help you.
Hugs Deb