my mother died 7 years ago today and today I am in so much pain.I dont know what to do anymore but all I can say is this...my mother and I never
got along once I got to be a teenager.For some reason...she emotionally abandoned me at 8 years old and stopped paying attention to me.This caused a wound in my heart.The age of my abandonment was 1955.I was 8 years old and i was having a difficult time at Saint Annes.She was just never there for me at all and this was due to the fact that my older brother Frank was also having problems.My mother never gave me pep talks like she did with my brothers.And her eyes would light up when she saw my brothers.And then I had 3 tragedies and instead of being there for me she became abusive towards me.My mother would be always screaming at me.Idid not want to come home from school.Mother was always screaming about something and this is why I wished she had a career.She was always in my face and yelling about the house.Thank heaven today women have got choices because she was a lousy housewife.All she did was cook,clean and sew and yell.And she never spend time with me.My mother would tell me"Vader...you have got a lot going for you.ANd I am not going to waste my time." What does it mean? What does it mean when a parent tells you this? This advice has not helped me because today I am 62 and I am on the verge of losing my house.Losing my house is not because of foreclosure.It is because I cant find a job in seattle nor can I find a roommmate.The replies I have gotten have been absurd and i cant have
a great many people here.So parents dont tell your children this advice.Spend time with them and please dont favor the boy children because they are boys...boys will always make more money then women so lets stop favoring them and concentrate on the goodness that a daughter can bring.As for me in 1999,my mother had a stroke.Brad and i were living together then and I was called back home.I was on my own for 4 years and she treated me horribly.I am sorry I told my brothers that I wasnt coming home and I refused to take care of her.My mother was left a lot of money and she had the house.She choose to spend it on lottery tickets,Atlantic CIty,Vegas and Booze.The money was gone within 3 years and i had to support her.And support here I did.I had to help pay the bills and one year..I paid the taxes.She wasnt paying the bills at all because I found them and this is what I told her I told her to get help.She went to AA once and I went to a councilor for help about this drinking.I was told that it was her money and she can spend it anyway she wants.I was told to mind my own business and I was the cause of her drinking.Look...anyone who averts to such silly behaviour is experiencing depression.This is common after the death of a spouse..but drinking? She would drink and get drunk at 11 o clock in the morning and then she would get verbally abusive and yell at me and belittle me.So in 1999....i told Brad that I wasnt going back.It is not up to a child to take care of the elderly....she should have planned it more.I do not have any guilt over this decision.Noone has the right to insult you or call you names even a parent.I wasnt going to put up with this abuse while the male members did nothing.I wasnt going to do it.And dont tell me to overlook this fact.This abuse went on for years.And for some reason my father never knew about it.She would yell at me when I cooked and yell at the way I did the dishes.I am not a house keeper.I keep a lousy house.I do housework once a week and I dont make the bed.I just am not a housekeeper and I cant be like her.I am renting this house in seattle.I pay 1100 a month.It is getting hard for me to keep up.Did my mother love me? To tell the truth...i dont know.do i miss my mother ? Yes..she was my mother and became an alcoholic and I couldnt save her or Brad...I realize now she wanted the best for me and wanted me to succeed.I have tried.But I have failed.My mental illness prevents me from working certain jobs.I will never be a ceo and I will never have a business.I just know it and I wish that her parenting skills were different.My mother loved me father.We all did.Daddy was the best father around.and I miss the both of him.And I am sorry that I wasnt there when she died..she died alone in a nursing home bed and I still feel guilty.Girls and boys...women and men..be good to your mothers cause the day will come when she will no longer be around and then you will be lost as I am.vader and the cats..I am crying now.