i had to write this column.I promised my sainted father.When you make a promise ,you cannot break it.But on saturday..November 1st,2008..it will be 21 years that I lost my father.At the time that I lost my dad..my mother and I werent getting along.In fact,my mother was always a very difficult person and she became more difficult up unto the day that she died.I tried my best to do things for her..but she was always screaming and after the death of my father..I realized that in time that I needed a life of my own away from the old Italian neighborhood and my dear brothers.My father was sickly all of his life..but the last time I saw him alive was on Halloween in 1987.He was sitting up in a chair in the hospital and he pulled me aside.." I am not going to make it this time.Vader.I want you to know this..But here is something that you should know.I have take out extra insurance on the house.If anything does happen,I dont want the family house to be lost to Medicare.I have written two letters to you and your brothers.Read them after I do die." Then he said to me.."I want you to have a long and happy life.I want you to do things that I have never done.I want you to go to Ireland and write.I have always wanted to go to Montana and that dude ranch in Texas." I dont know what dude ranch in Texas..he was talking about.ALl I know is that people come all over the world because this man makes a real mean chili.That was the last conversation that I had with dad.And it still hurts me.On 11/1/1987..he signed himself out of the hospital and after he came home..he sat on his favorite chair and he looked at me and said.."Vader..I am dying" Then he fell forward and I heard the death rattle.My father died in my arms.I saw his face go white and I knew that nothing would be the same for me again.No man today understands the total connection that a girl has with her father.Some fathers prefer sons..but my I was daddys little girl and he loved me and my brothers.He played ball and he loved sports.He loved to collect baseball cards.He loved music.Dad had 675 albums and mine was double.We just loved music.And I want to tell everyone that everyday I ,vader live in pain.There is a hole in my heart that can never be replaced,because in 2003,we lost the family house to Medicare to pay for the nursing home.I lost everything.All i did have is gone.My dog and my dogs toys.He is buried in the yard.I still have photo albums and such..but the family home is gone.This is something my father never wanted.He worked 30 years to pay off the house.Only to have it gone.And today...I started to cry and I cried over the death of my father.I do not cry..everyday..but Brad can be difficult.All I can say is Brad has returned to AA because he has to learn not to take a beer after a hard day.I know that I will never see my father again.I will never talk to him again.He will never make me those buns..special recipe..but one day he made me chocolate chip mint ice cream and there has been no others like it.I did promise my father and it will be honored.Heres to a wonderful father..rest in peace..daddy.You did good buddy boy..Vader.