My brother died..on May 3rd..2020 to cirrhosis ..he lost his long battle with alcoholism.. god I miss him so much it's just at the same time we were arguing about something that was so unreasonable.. (he and I had a pack) in a nutshell in his mind.. in real life I'm freakin' Phoenix non River he just lik.. put all his stuff on me..I caught him in 2017..lookin' at my memoirs he was lookin' for a place to put his body and crashed into a canal ? And he's always after my surrogate's chair and works at the hospital but I'm practically his supervisor the whole time he doesn't kno how to interpret the words in the book and lik takes things too literal or to heart.. because he's always leaning on me emotionally and I dunno.. songs and anything that I let him get his hands on.. he's 10 years older.. ex gf is basically my twin and drags her for lik a few years to complain about our time apart I thought maybe he missed me as family but he was a bit codependent and I didn't want him to blame me for his liver transplant need and so I dunno by last year he's too sick and dies from a pulmonary.. ummm I'm bipolar and I have lik prolonged removing just my gallbladder myself which is located in the liver as well we all have our things ..it's just I always fear that we in God as made didn't quite as you say agree as much as he thought we'd packed. I swear since then the birds so to speak have haunted my den in that persay I have a significant other (always had) and I take care of a kid.. and the neighborhoods kids or community work it's just HE the idea of a scarecrow sorta negative Holden ghost is the only thing that's lik petty childish to my reputation to the community I feel so paranoid in a way the most social lik rep of the city and I have to deal with this scary ghost something outta a Stephen king novel just childish story.. I'm too realist in that I too am a story writer actress playwright cop but he has another thing coming I absolutely hate what he did with it .. I don't want a ghost around my birds I don't want cemetery so I've been sorta in lik a reluctant mood persay.. I don't lik wat all consideration it's just.. I was still am the phoebe athlete and sometimes as when he was alive still the story sorta is blended and overshadowed by my sorta lik townie fame as myself always been pigeon hold of lik sorta that cliche ..just grief is a little inevitable I'm awful with lik prescriptions I guess I have my own problems but I don't let it kill me persay im still too young to like but yea since people kno his suicide his death keeps lik forcing sympathy for themes cutting his death slack you know cause I'm the athlete or best looking in show blah it's just following me around everybody knows wat happened and pleads bargaining stories for sympathy in groups now it's just still very uncomfortable being forced to always remember please help me out here.. I don't want to so yea.