4 years ago, I was planning my perfect Sunday breakfast with my Grandparents, knowing that my Grandma was sick and needed a liver transplant soon to live longer than a year. My birthday is March 25. In 2006 it happened to fall on a Sunday and ALL I wanted, was to be selfish and have the morning with my Grandparents eating dutch babies (a really awesome pancake bake type dish) that my Grandma used to make for all of us grand kids when we would stay the night. I just wanted one short span of time with them and my mom and her boyfriend, as I was to start work the next day. I worked every day after that through April 6th. That day, my Grandma got the call that she was the back up to a liver transplant and needed to head down in case the number 1 person wasn't able to make it or failed to meet the requirements, then she would take their place. I called her to wish her good luck, told her I loved her, and went to work. When I got home, I was informed she was disqualified from the transplant list because she suffered a small stroke. The entire family, minus me, headed to San Francisco to see her, as she had finally given up. They went down on the 7th of April, arrived home on the 8th, and we received the call around 5pm on the 8th, that she had passed. I gave my notice around 3pm on then 9th to my new job, at the place where my Grandmother spent most of her time while waiting to get the transplant that would save her life.

My Grandmother wasn't a junkie, wasn't an alcoholic, she received a bad blood transfusion before they had tested blood for hepatitis C, and had been sick for so long without being tested that the time between us finding out and her dying was only two years. She was only 65.

It will be 4 years this Thursday since I spent my birthday with the lady who raised me, who loved me unconditionally, with the only person I believe knew about the abuse that was going on in my life. She was always there for me and I miss her so much. It still hurts so much to this day.

Will it get better?


I miss my friends who were by my side when it happened. I miss those people who helped me through those first couple of days. It wasn't my family it was my friends. My family could care less about me. They have each other, I had my friends, and now those friends want nothing to do with me. Why is it that everything that was right back then is so wrong now?