I'm not used to talking about my feelings, it's not that I can't, its just that how do you tell someone you love that you are so sad you can't sleep or eat? but I guess here goes nothing. My brother died four months ago, he overdosed on heroine and meth. even writing that makes me tear up. I've never really expirenced losing someone, I mean when you are young and you and your friend split up because of some dumb argument, yes i have expirenced loss in that department but not like this. I've saved 23 lives from suicide but I couldn't even help my brother.sory, I've never done this before so I am not sure how to write this. my brother's were my best friend growing up, my parents weren't around much because they had a company to run so my older brothers pretty much raised me. We have alway's been close. We all grew up but we tried to stay in contact the best we could. My oldest brother austin, fell into a life of drugs and got kicked out onto the street. Me an My mum searched the streets looking for him, and we found him. When we found him, he was beaten up and skinny, he was in and out of treatment fasilities and this year he was finally on his feet and doing better, these last few years seeing the brother that protected me and was there the most for me.. it was agony seeing him this way but I thought he finally was getting on the right path. I'll never forget the day my parents told me he'd died. My parents are divorced now and don't talk, my mum had woken me up and told me to come upstairs because her and my dad had to talk to me. I thought I'd gotten in trouble an I thought it was about my grades. My mum couldn't even look at me. when I got upstairs I saw my dad's eye were puffy like he'd been crying, I'd never seen him cry before. I can't really remember what happened when the words left my dads mouth, I just remember everything going dark and crying. He was my best friend, My pain in the ass, my hero, and my brother all in one. I told him everything, I trusted him with my deepest secrets, my hopes and dreams. I don't even know how I'm supposed to handle this, How I'm just supposed to accept he's gone when I still feel like he's going to walk through the door with his goofy smile and laugh, and hug me so tight I think he's going to break my rib cage. My birthday was last month, and I turned 18. And this year when I blew out my birthday candles I just wished I could see his beautiful smile and hear his laught one more time. I probable wrote too much so I guess I'll stop here.