I am so sorry to hear about your son. I know there are know words that will make you feel better. I pray that God will ease your pain. You must not blame yourself. I believe everything happens for a reason, even terrible things such as this. We may not know what that reason is..ever. Some people that lose loved ones can benefit from seeing a grief counselor, or anyone for that matter. I'm sure you can find a good one in your area. This may help ease the pain soon. I hope things get better for you.

**Hugs**
Jessica

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time functioning right now. I lost my daughter to SIDS in April, and I have several days a week like that.
All the whys, hows, what if's are normal, but try not to get too sucked into it. You have to know that if there was anything you could do to prevent your little angels death, you would have done it. We all would have. Some things, we'll never understand. The order is wrong. No parent should ever have to burry their child. But it happens, and it's so unfair. Let yourself feel the motions...be angry, cry, yell, punch a pillow. Nothing your feeling or going through right now is "abnormal". I believe our prayers are always heard, just might not be answered with the answer we were hoping for, or in the time frame we were hoping for. Like I said, I feel this way several times a week. The okay days I try and cherish. The one thing that helps me through the days is coming here to this site, and being able to talk with people honestly, who aren't going to tell me to "get over it", because getting over our child's death just isn't going to happen. Try and hang in there, and know you're not a lone. There are lots people on here who understand. ((hugs))